TEXT | @Punisher

[eyeofmyass]

[ooc warning: Religious tones, catholic terminology, all of which will probably be very inaccurate. ]

So, back home I was something of a priest, and I was thinking of offering my priestly services of confessions to those who are in need. Some of you might be asking whats a confession, or why should I bother? Well, let me tell ya! A confession is you admitting your sins and receiving penance and absolution. All that shit that’s bothering you? That bad thing you did? Or that good thing you didn’t do? Think of it as a ‘clean slate.’

And you don’t have to be religious. I think everybody deserves to get it all off their chest, ya know? Don’t need absolution? No problem, but how about an impartial, unbiased soul to unburden to? Feel guilty and need a way to feel better? I can suggest penance for that.

All I ask for in return is a donation. Not bad, right? All confessions stay in the confession booth, or inbox, however you feel comfortable doing it. I’m not here to share your secrets or judge. Anonymous is fine, just show proof that you donated.

C’mon, it’ll make ya feel good!

Amen.

Comments

@greatvalue

[newphew]

This soundslikea scam.

[ i'm sorry he's like this ]

[eyeofmyass]

religion's funny like that.

[The confession shit isn't the bullshit part of this spiel.]

believe it or not, but if it can give people some relief for the heaviness they're carrying on their shoulders its worth it, yeah?

@Destiny

[intertwinedfates]

Oh hey! You work for the big guy, right? How much would it be to put in a good word for me with Him so I can gain more followers myself?

[eyeofmyass]

hey there happy.

far as I can tell the man doesn't take requests, but I can certainly sing him your praises. whatever you wanna pay, but know it's going towards a good cause.

@pochita

[nutkick]

okay, but is talking about it, or confessing to your sins, really helps?
i tried that before and it only made me feel extra shitty.

[eyeofmyass]

well people wouldn't keep coming back if it didn't.

well priests absolve sins from all walks of life. probably ain't nothing they haven't heard and they're not passing judgement, just forgiveness. sharing it with a priest means letting it go if you're actually sorry about it. can also offer ya a punishment if you think suffering for your sins helps balance shit out. better than beating yourself up, yeah?

@catacombs

[survivaltricks]

do you play shogi?

[there is a train of thought there, he swears]

[eyeofmyass]

[He is so confused???]

not sure what that is, but can safely say I havent played many games.

@Goldilocks

[likemybooks]

So you just talk about your feelings and you're absolved of guilt? That's it?

[It sounds sketchy but...Taryon can't help but want to learn more.]

[eyeofmyass]

yep. though it does require some level of contrition.

@goddess of death

[queenofkur]

If you are going to take on the duty to comfort burdened souls, you should not ask for anything in return.

[eyeofmyass]

and I'm guessing you work for free too? pretty sure most religious services run off donations.

@king

[boarbie]

Ah. It all makes sense now.

[eyeofmyass]

yeah? whats that?

@ typhoon

[photosympathies]

( ...

This should not delight Vash the way it does, and yet. )

i knew you were a man of many talents.

( Undertaker. Priest. )

[eyeofmyass]

[ ....dammit Vash, let him con for charity in peace.]

this ain't for you spikey.

@TYPHON

[redsoil]

Oh. Neat idea! I am already taking care of my own sins, though.

Do you want to go into fundraising with me? I am looking for people with the skills to wring money out of the rich!

[ sorry ww.... ]

[eyeofmyass]

[Wow how dare. at least private this shit before calling him out.]

well ain't that handy. not everybody can be so self-forgiving.

what are you fundraising?

[just ignoring that wringing the rich comment. for now.]

@tsunpo

[atonality]

Conversations of such soulful intimacy require an NDA signed and notarized. Do the powers that be have a satisfactory power of attorney?

[eyeofmyass]

what the hell are you talking about?

@ soba

[gorb]

( Hold the phone, this is his gig. )

What are your donations for, Priest? Are you running a church?

[eyeofmyass]

damn, everybody here is so concerned about where the donations go.

got no interest in running a church. just feedin hungry mouths.

@need4speed

[fastpaced]

getting forgiveness from a guy called punisher??
now that takes some faith

[eyeofmyass]

[ooc: jfc being roasted by sonic the hedgehog was not what i was expecting. im dying.]

the faithful are always rewarded.

the punishments arent for them.

@dragontales (yes I will get to the other threads but hiii)

[lunarchivist]

Hmm...Undertaker and priest. Another part of your occupations? I think I've heard of something like this ((Sunday.......)) but I've never participated.

I do wonder though...Wolfwood. Who listens to the Priest's troubles?

no worries always happy to have a DH in the inbox

[eyeofmyass]

im a man of many hats.

are you interested in participating now?

[Nobody. He's pretty damn sure nobody does. But...well, he's never bothered to try either.]

there's no middle man for priests.

@starbow

[bluestar]

You sound about as legitimate a priest as the ones who work at the local church in my town.

[eyeofmyass]

[He can take a good guess on what she means, buuut

what's a legitimate priest sound like?

@rasgulla

[peoplewatch]

[ he glanced at the other post already. with context, this is adorable. ]

If you simply told them what you plan to use the money for, you would be met with less suspicion.

[eyeofmyass]

didn't expect anyone to care.

[whether he's talking about what he was using the money for or about the children, he means both.]