TEXT | @Punisher

[eyeofmyass]

[ooc warning: Religious tones, catholic terminology, all of which will probably be very inaccurate. ]

So, back home I was something of a priest, and I was thinking of offering my priestly services of confessions to those who are in need. Some of you might be asking whats a confession, or why should I bother? Well, let me tell ya! A confession is you admitting your sins and receiving penance and absolution. All that shit that’s bothering you? That bad thing you did? Or that good thing you didn’t do? Think of it as a ‘clean slate.’

And you don’t have to be religious. I think everybody deserves to get it all off their chest, ya know? Don’t need absolution? No problem, but how about an impartial, unbiased soul to unburden to? Feel guilty and need a way to feel better? I can suggest penance for that.

All I ask for in return is a donation. Not bad, right? All confessions stay in the confession booth, or inbox, however you feel comfortable doing it. I’m not here to share your secrets or judge. Anonymous is fine, just show proof that you donated.

C’mon, it’ll make ya feel good!

Amen.

Comments

@ soba

[gorb]

( Hold the phone, this is his gig. )

What are your donations for, Priest? Are you running a church?

[eyeofmyass]

damn, everybody here is so concerned about where the donations go.

got no interest in running a church. just feedin hungry mouths.

[gorb]

I'm sure it's just friendly concern. LILITH does bring in some unsavoury types.

[eyeofmyass]

in the eyes of a priest nobody is beyond saving.

[is that the right phrase? hm. close enough.]

[gorb]

Well, you certainly say all the right words.

Hungry mouths, you said?

[eyeofmyass]

why wouldnt i?

[It's not like he's flying by the seat of his pants here or anything.]

yep. there's too many homeless kids and not nearly enough resources for the places that pass as an orphanage around here.

[gorb]

You're helping the children.

Why?

[eyeofmyass]

because apparently nobody else is. kids are always the victim of tragedy, and often forgotten in the midst of it.

[gorb]

( ...

He doesn't care about the children of Neo Tokyo, not really. But maybe that's part of his old problem. So, an attempt. )

I doubt you'll get much money with this approach. You need to target the rich, they enjoy anything that makes them look philanthropic without any real effort being made. The business owners, the politicians, the ones in need of a little spiritual help.

[eyeofmyass]

the rich i knew werent overly concerned with the state of their souls.

or the state of orphans.

im guessing my offerings aint gonna work on them.

[gorb]

You just need to know where to apply the right pressure.

I ran a temple where I am from. We required a lot of outside funding. You're on the right track but fellow recruits don't have a lot of disposable income. Unless they're very lucky, that is.

[eyeofmyass]

you just bragging or you offering to help?

[gorb]

Ah, I've put that all behind me. There's not much of a calling for it here. The burdens I relieved people of don't exist in this world.

Now, if you could make your god's blessing seem like a good way to repel the kaiju, you might have an in.

[eyeofmyass]

[Is...is this a lesson in conning??? he's kinda getting the impression it is.]

that sounds like it could be dangerous. prayer might be good for the soul, dont think it's gonna do shit against the kaiju. not trying to make more orphans here.

[gorb]

Then pick the childless.

I'm kidding.

( Maybe, maybe not. )

And I'm not saying you should tell them prayer will keep them safe, but what do they know? If you tell a wicked man the kaiju can sniff out ill-intent and he should give you some money for the poor, is that really doing anything bad? All you're doing is forcing them into kindness. They'd scramble over the lesser to escape regardless.

[eyeofmyass]

not debating if this strategy works, cus i'm sure it does. but not exactly a fan of forcing people into things.

[Doing bad things for good reasons doesn't make the guilt any less.]

[gorb]

Not even if they're part of the reason for so many orphans in the first place?

[eyeofmyass]

you know something or playing hypotheticals?

[gorb]

I just know humanity.

If they cared about your orphans they wouldn't be roaming the streets.

[eyeofmyass]

sure. but can't go after people just for not caring. there wouldnt be many left.

[gorb]

Ah.

Truly a good samaritan then. That might get in the way of what you want.

[eyeofmyass]

probably. but making enemies for myself is just gonna put a target on the back of things im working for. would prefer not to bring any more trouble to the kids.

[gorb]

Have you had much luck your way?

[eyeofmyass]

working on it.

[no.]

[gorb]

I imagine it has something to do with the calibre of people here. They tend to keep their sins close to the chest.