TEXT | @Punisher

[eyeofmyass]

[ooc warning: Religious tones, catholic terminology, all of which will probably be very inaccurate. ]

So, back home I was something of a priest, and I was thinking of offering my priestly services of confessions to those who are in need. Some of you might be asking whats a confession, or why should I bother? Well, let me tell ya! A confession is you admitting your sins and receiving penance and absolution. All that shit that’s bothering you? That bad thing you did? Or that good thing you didn’t do? Think of it as a ‘clean slate.’

And you don’t have to be religious. I think everybody deserves to get it all off their chest, ya know? Don’t need absolution? No problem, but how about an impartial, unbiased soul to unburden to? Feel guilty and need a way to feel better? I can suggest penance for that.

All I ask for in return is a donation. Not bad, right? All confessions stay in the confession booth, or inbox, however you feel comfortable doing it. I’m not here to share your secrets or judge. Anonymous is fine, just show proof that you donated.

C’mon, it’ll make ya feel good!

Amen.

Comments

[atonality]

The pickings are slim this month. Pass.

[ And thank goodness. Televangelism was a completely different animal from raising idols on a stage that's barely even constructed. Besides which, the costs would be absurd. The horrors of religion were best left where they remained. ]

How do you feel about fundraisers?

[eyeofmyass]

[Oh look, something they'd agree on. If he wasn't busy here selling his soul for some street brats.]

don't know anything about them. hows it work?

[atonality]

An event is organized with intent to solicit monetary donations and pledges of assistance from various attending entities. Perhaps one can call it a ritual.

[eyeofmyass]

oh. got the intent part. but what happens at the event that makes people donate?

[atonality]

The soliciting part. You tempt affluent attendees present with crafted stories and good food. You sway them with beautiful art and pretty words to stroke their egos, and you beg a donation so you can tell the world about how generous and valuable they are for everyone else to hear.

[eyeofmyass]

food and art sounds expensive. [And exhausting.] the hell is the point if you're spending all the money just to throw the damn thing with no guarantee you'll get more than you put in?

[atonality]

Because the rich and the powerful love to be recognized as such, and the ones who say they don’t are lying to themselves.

There will always be someone wanting to prove themselves by the power of their bank account. You just have to know how to play their tune.

[eyeofmyass]

fair enough. you seem to have the know-how, how come you aren't out there taking money from them?

[atonality]

Fundraisers need a purpose or charity toward which the funds may be applied. I, as a middle-man, have neither.

[eyeofmyass]

yeah, well. do it for mine, then.