TEXT | @Punisher

[eyeofmyass]

[ooc warning: Religious tones, catholic terminology, all of which will probably be very inaccurate. ]

So, back home I was something of a priest, and I was thinking of offering my priestly services of confessions to those who are in need. Some of you might be asking whats a confession, or why should I bother? Well, let me tell ya! A confession is you admitting your sins and receiving penance and absolution. All that shit that’s bothering you? That bad thing you did? Or that good thing you didn’t do? Think of it as a ‘clean slate.’

And you don’t have to be religious. I think everybody deserves to get it all off their chest, ya know? Don’t need absolution? No problem, but how about an impartial, unbiased soul to unburden to? Feel guilty and need a way to feel better? I can suggest penance for that.

All I ask for in return is a donation. Not bad, right? All confessions stay in the confession booth, or inbox, however you feel comfortable doing it. I’m not here to share your secrets or judge. Anonymous is fine, just show proof that you donated.

C’mon, it’ll make ya feel good!

Amen.

Comments

@greatvalue

[newphew]

This soundslikea scam.

[ i'm sorry he's like this ]

[eyeofmyass]

religion's funny like that.

[The confession shit isn't the bullshit part of this spiel.]

believe it or not, but if it can give people some relief for the heaviness they're carrying on their shoulders its worth it, yeah?

@Destiny

[intertwinedfates]

Oh hey! You work for the big guy, right? How much would it be to put in a good word for me with Him so I can gain more followers myself?

[eyeofmyass]

hey there happy.

far as I can tell the man doesn't take requests, but I can certainly sing him your praises. whatever you wanna pay, but know it's going towards a good cause.

[newphew]

So why do we have to pAy for this? Don't people usually jusjt talk to their friends?

Or. WHatever.

[eyeofmyass]

you got churches where you're from? typically they take donations so they can use the money to help others.

some things people dont wanna share with friends. maybe they worry friends wont forgive em or maybe theyre worried they will.

[newphew]

[ these responses are very slow because hunter is basically a grandpa at texting but this one takes a particularly long time to come back ]

And what are you gonna do with the donation money? how is confessing. to a stranger supposed to help anyone feel better anyway?

@pochita

[nutkick]

okay, but is talking about it, or confessing to your sins, really helps?
i tried that before and it only made me feel extra shitty.

[eyeofmyass]

[A+ for effort.]

youre kinda nosey aren't ya?

[He has a problem keeping important things to him close to his chest because reasons. It's a hard habit to break.]

I noticed a bunch of homeless kids running around the city so I'm trying to help them.

well for people who believe in the big guy repenting for your sins is kinda a big part of into getting through the pearly gates. for everyone else, maybe they feel lighter sharing the weight of whatever guilt is dragging them down. if you're curious why don't you try it?

[eyeofmyass]

well people wouldn't keep coming back if it didn't.

well priests absolve sins from all walks of life. probably ain't nothing they haven't heard and they're not passing judgement, just forgiveness. sharing it with a priest means letting it go if you're actually sorry about it. can also offer ya a punishment if you think suffering for your sins helps balance shit out. better than beating yourself up, yeah?

private

[nutkick]

[ he didn't reply for a bit, and then- ]

can you promise me that talking about it with a priest will— make me let it go? not sure you forgiving me will make it all good? no offense. but i'm desperate enough to try anything.

private

[eyeofmyass]

sorry kid, promises aren't part of the deal.

[He has no idea if this is a kid or not, but he's making hella assumptions off the 'promise' comment.]

look, this shit doesn't use magic or something concrete to work. but so many people turn towards it when they're desperate that it must do something for them. maybe it can help you, maybe it won't. but what's a few dollars for some hope?

@catacombs

[survivaltricks]

do you play shogi?

[there is a train of thought there, he swears]

@Goldilocks

[likemybooks]

So you just talk about your feelings and you're absolved of guilt? That's it?

[It sounds sketchy but...Taryon can't help but want to learn more.]

[eyeofmyass]

[He is so confused???]

not sure what that is, but can safely say I havent played many games.

[eyeofmyass]

yep. though it does require some level of contrition.

[likemybooks]

That sounds like apologizing to a friend.

[eyeofmyass]

well priests consider all their friends.

not exactly the same though. there's some ritual to it. Like you gotta start with 'forgive me father for I have sinned' and then you explain what you're feeling guilty about and the priest, or me in this situation, will absolve you of your sins and offer you penance to help heal or make amends. its usually in the form of prayers but I don't think that'll work for people here if they don't believe in the big man. so it's more like community service.

[newphew]

[ he is extremely nosy, thanks ]

Someone has to make sure peoplearen't being taken advantage of because they feel guilty about things

[ ok hunter ]

fine. whereAre you? you can show me where you found these kids too,.

[likemybooks]

I mean it's just any other god that's not in this realm. I think it should work just fine.

The ritual that is.

But I have to come up with something I feel guilty about first and then I'll get to you.

[eyeofmyass]

[hdu call him out. but it's for the children!!!]

c'mon now, I didn't even set a rate! and it's not taking advantage if they feel better after.

[demanding little shit.]

right now I'm smoking in the garden.

they're not animals. not sure they're up for being show-and-tell. but i'll take you on an eye opening walk if you want. only if you're gonna help though.

[eyeofmyass]

[That's...that's not usually how guilt works.]

yep, open for business whenever you need me.

@goddess of death

[queenofkur]

If you are going to take on the duty to comfort burdened souls, you should not ask for anything in return.

[eyeofmyass]

and I'm guessing you work for free too? pretty sure most religious services run off donations.

[queenofkur]

I do work for free, yes.

If you will not comfort burdened souls unless you're paid, then you are unworthy of the task you claim is yours.