[text, misfire] @Bootyyyshaker9000

[soft_shelled]

[Since the whole party about two weeks ago, there has been something on this turtle's mind. But it's only now that he is actually putting his mind to it... By searching certain things.

Of course, he's lucky enough to have it happen when one of the current glitches are acting up.]

How to impress a girl.
How to have conversations with someone you like?
Dating advice for teens.
Ways to see if a girl likes you back.
What do foxes like?
How to impress kitsune?
What is "kitsune udon"?
Why is inari a food and a "god"?
Tofu recipes
Why is tofu so gross looking?
Gifts for ships?

Comments

[raynos]

1. it depends on the girl
2. talk to them like a normal person
3. use protection
4. see #1
5. gongle says killing rabbits, getting stuck head-first in snow, and something called "yiffing"
6. kitsune are the foxes that don't exist right
7. presumably udon that doesn't exist
idrc about the rest but i heard you're supposed to smash a bottle against a ship when it sails so maybe try that

[soft_shelled]

[skrem at number 3 and yiffing.]

kitsune are nine tailed foxes of myth, yes.

... And I don't think she'd like having a bottle smashed over her head.

[raynos]

why do you need to impress one

...

are we talking about a boat or a woman

[soft_shelled]

Because I want to?

And apparently she's both?

[Look, he's just going off what he's been told by Kaga/the information Kaga has given him.]

[raynos]

....do you have the hots for that dumb dog woman with the planes

because if so my advice is definitely to smash a bottle over her head if she gets too close and then run

[soft_shelled]

You do know there are two of them, right?

[now private]

[raynos]

unfortunately

the red one's just as crazy as the white one so you'd be smart to avoid them both

[private]

[soft_shelled]

Hm... Kind of hard to avoid the one.

[private]

[raynos]

which one

is she stalking you

[private]

[soft_shelled]

Kaga.

And no? I don't think so.

[private]

[raynos]

then why is it hard to avoid her

just ignore the fact that she exists, like any sane person

if she comes after you just start recording her with your optic implant, that should make her stop trying to kill you since she has to pretend to be cute and innocent

[private]

[soft_shelled]

We kind of just, run into each other?

And she only tried to kill me once, at a party. But I have a way to stop her now.

[private]

[raynos]

does it involve smashing a bottle over her head

because it should

[private]

[soft_shelled]

No, nothing violent at all.

[private]

[raynos]

don't tell me you got her to back off by just telling her to stop

she doesn't respect anyone enough to do anything just because they ask

what did you do to her

[private]

[soft_shelled]

[Unsure but... May as well.]

Kissed her.

[private]

[raynos]

[give him a moment to process this]

gross

but as long as it got her to back off good for you

honestly surprised she didn't kill you immediately tho so probably wanna watch your back

[private]

[soft_shelled]

She did slap me after the first one.

[private]

[raynos]

you kissed that more than once??

you must really wanna die huh

[private]

[soft_shelled]

[Remembering that Kaga said she would murk him if he told anyone about, possibly, the second kiss.]

No, we didn't. I'm misremembering.

[private]

[raynos]

i think you'd remember the number of times you kissed a dog on the mouth

but like i said if it makes her stay away from you that's all that matters

[private]

[soft_shelled]

Stop calling her that.

[private]

[raynos]

what, a dog? it's what she is

she's a dumb dog woman and i hate her guts

[private]

[soft_shelled]

You can not like someone and not be a jackass.

Or... Should I start calling you and ugly ape then?

[private]

[raynos]

why are you getting all bent out of shape over her? she doesn't care about you or anything else beyond killing as many people as she can get away with

and i'm not an ape i'm a human. she's literally a dog woman what's your problem