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[This is......a strange post. But it sure is a post on the network, indeed.]

˜”*°•.˜”*°• WHAT DOG BREED ARE YOU? ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS BELOW, AND YOU'LL FIND OUT THE DOG BREED THAT BEST FITS YOUR PERSONALITY!!! •°*”˜.•°*”˜

What's your favorite food?
What's your favorite color?
What's your birthday?
What's your nickname?
What city were you born in?
What's your mother's maiden name?
What street did you grow up on?

ANSWER NOW AND FIND OUT WHICH DOG BREED ARE YOU TODAY

[Sampo Inc(TM) is responsible for the contents of this message. Yes, you will find out your dog breed. Sampo Koski promises RESULTS.]

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? I very seriously asked and transcribed what she had to say

It's about you! I want to know more about you, friend

What a coincidence! I want to know more about you, too. Sure, everyone gets to hear about what dog breed they are but what about the person behind it that's manually crunching all the answers? Here, I'll even take it a step further and make it even more special.

... by answering these few select questions!

(I'm appropriating yours. Surely that's fine!)

How did you do the glitter text I want to do that

[IGNORING THE REST]

[ WTF ]

Wow! That's so scary :(

Which questions?

The ones you're having everyone else answer!

Ohhhhh those

I did them already! I know which dog breed I am! I'm a pit bull!

Edited 2024-05-09 22:21 (UTC)

Yeah yeah that's why we're widening the scope and finding out which animal you are, not just breed of dog!

You need to ask different questions, then! These questions only work for the dog algorithm

You don't know that? My algorithm has been specifically adjusted to be able to use any question set.

I'm not sure I believe you....

Fine, fine!

✨ Specially curated questions to discover your destined animal ✨

1. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?
2. What's the weirdest thing you've ever done in an elevator when you thought nobody was watching?
3. If you were a vegetable, which one would you be and how would you feel about being eaten?
4. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?
5. Your lover became a worm. Could you still love them?

[Oh. These are actually fun questions. Alright!]

1. One horse-sized duck! It's only one! Besides, what can a duck do? It doesn't even have teeth!
2. Flossed my teeth once
3. I am the noble eggplant and I do not condone eating me whatsoever
4. They would assume I was scapegoated. I am a model citizen and it would be unfair in all regards!
5. Depends on what kind of worm they are I think

1. I don't know about that one… have you ever seen the undersides of their bills? It could snap you up real fast, I think
2. But efficient! I like it. Hope you still managed to wash your hands after
3. Even when the alternative's rotting?
4. And not one to take allegations laying down? Nice 👍
5. What worms would you consider acceptable and not acceptable?

[ Is Sampo ever going to get his result? It's a mystery!! ]

Buddy I answered all your questions you didn't say anything about follow-ups

But we get to know each other better with some back and forth!

If you want that you should at least buy me drinks first, buddy!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Why not? You did answer my questions in earnest.
Not only can I serve them up myself, you'll be able to treat yourself to a 5-star view while you're at it!

Me!

Oh yeah?

Well! I have to see to believe it! So let's make it happen

I'm a 6-star view myself, but don't let that intimidate you!

If anything, your claim that you shatter the scales has me more curious?
I'll have to agree with you that seeing is believing.

So let's see.
Tonight or tomorrow night, Mr. Moneybags?

Tomorrow night. You can choose the spot, Mr. Hottie. Surprise me.

Did you choose that username yourself BTW

Oh, haha. You'll have to visit me at work!
If you want the good stuff, that is. A little hard to procure that myself as a newly minted recruit.

[ ding! The next message most certainly is a location pin to bar. ]

And nnnnnnope! You're looking at a bonafide LILITH-certified hottie

Edited 2024-05-11 03:42 (UTC)

Let me guess. Bartender?

That so? You have to explain the process of the certification. I would hope you're not the type to bribe anyone

Bingo! It's not quite the ideal, but it's serviceable for the time being.

And seeing as they gave it to me, doesn't it just mean that I inherently fulfill their qualifications without having to go through any process whatsoever? Other than agreeing with their impeccable taste, I can't say I know their exact criteria, either! I'm afraid you'll just have to take this one up with LILITH themselves… or not, since there can only be one title-holder at a time. Unfortunate.

I'm not sure I want to hear that one from someone denoted 'moneybags'

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lovebombing - 2024-05-11 11:11 (UTC) - Expand

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transmit - 2024-05-11 18:00 (UTC) - Expand

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