text | @moneybags

[lovebombing]

[This is......a strange post. But it sure is a post on the network, indeed.]

 

˜”*°•.˜”*°• WHAT DOG BREED ARE YOU? ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS BELOW, AND YOU'LL FIND OUT THE DOG BREED THAT BEST FITS YOUR PERSONALITY!!! •°*”˜.•°*”˜

What's your favorite food?
What's your favorite color?
What's your birthday?
What's your nickname?
What city were you born in?
What's your mother's maiden name?
What street did you grow up on?

ANSWER NOW AND FIND OUT WHICH DOG BREED ARE YOU TODAY

[Sampo Inc(TM) is responsible for the contents of this message. Yes, you will find out your dog breed. Sampo Koski promises RESULTS.]

Comments

Action is fine for me!

[curingidiocy]

[ As agreed upon, Ratio arrives at the indicated location precisely on time, no later and no earlier. And as it turns out, Sampo is already there. A good first step, if one ignores his attempt at phishing on the network. ]

You're early. Excellent.

[lovebombing]

What can I say? I'm a guy who always prides himself on making the best impression for his clients.

[That, and he wanted to make sure he wasn't walking into some kind of trap, too. He places a hand on his chest, and gives a bow.]

The name's Sampo Koski. And what may I call you, hm?

[curingidiocy]

[ So it is the same Sampo Koski that Aventurine had mentioned to him in their exchange of information earlier. Good. He has questions. ]

I am Dr. Ratio.

[ He doesn't fully introduce himself yet. He's curious to know if Sampo recognizes his name, though if the man doesn't, it will be to his advantage. ]

What are you capable of?

[lovebombing]

I see, I see...

[No, that name doesn't ring a bell.]

[So this is the real "doctor", huh. He makes a note to bring him some apple pie.]

Many things, my friend! The distribution of product, the transport of goods, a little intel gathering on the side...I'm an adaptable fella. I'll provide whatever service you desire...for the right price.

[curingidiocy]

[ He will be extremely annoyed if Sampo gives him apple pie the next time they meet. That was not information he was meant to be privy to. ]

I believe I made my desires clear in our earlier correspondence. Are you capable of obtaining it?

[lovebombing]

[Sometimes you just vacuum info like no one's business. Blame your partner, Doc!]

Mm. Of course. Nothing's totally out of reach of Sampo Koski...but! We need to discuss what exactly you're looking for. I can grab all the info you need. But if there's something specific you're aiming for, I'd like to know now.

[curingidiocy]

[ He is definitely blaming Aventurine, don't you worry Sampo.

He considers for a moment the risk of directly stating what he wants in the open. Like Penacony, he's certain that none of their conversations are private to LILITH, most likely on account of the implants they forcibly received. ]

As of now, there is nothing specific that I am looking for. I only wish to assist LILITH to the full depth of my capabilities. They are idiots, relegating me to field work when my knowledge and intellect is far more valuable.

[lovebombing]

You really are a generous soul, doc. You sort of remind me of a lady I knew back home. Though she wasn't as sharp-tongued as you.

[She could be a hardass in her own way, though. Charming, really.]

You do seem like the type to be up in a library than out and about...anyways. Sure! I like the idea. Though, when it comes down to it, you need to let me know what you're offering. My services don't come cheap.

[curingidiocy]

[ What part of this jacked handsome man suggests he's of the bookworm variety? But his speech is likely eloquent enough to suggest that. ]

LILITH does not provide us with a generous stipend. I can offer a small amount of it as part of the payment, but I am aware that is not enough.

Any crucial information I obtain about this world will be shared with you, and I am willing to assist you in any endeavours that do not involve lasting harm upon the people of this planet.

[ He stops there. This is his initial offer. How will Sampo respond? ]

[lovebombing]

[Anyone who calls themselves Doctor is Automatic Nerd(TM).]

We are unfortunate in that regard....ah, LILITH mistreating its employees its kidnapped. It breaks your heart, it really does! Can't even get paid well for saving everyone from monsters...

[Tsk, tsk. But even as he gives a casual shrug, the look in his eyes, shrewd as ever, is anything but.]

"Lasting harm"? I'm no villain, please. Assisting me, though, information...I like that. [A hum.] But let's see....how much of a small amount are we talking?

[curingidiocy]

[ The base provides food, shelter and enrichment without cost, meaning the kryptos is purely frivolous spending money. So— ]

Seven thousand kryptos from our initial stipend. And what we earn from our first paycheck, twenty percent.

[ Considering that a kryptos seems to have similar value to the IPC credit, it's not much, but neither of them have much to work with here. ]

[lovebombing]

[He sure goes crazy for frivolous spending money. It's not frivolous to him! But he nods, putting on a thoughtful look.]

Make it eight thousand. And I'll take the twenty percent off of any paycheck you make while you got me under your thumb, dear doctor.

[curingidiocy]

[ Ratio honestly has far more money than he knows what to do with back home. Sure, he's decorated his residences lavishly and spent some commissioning those statues of himself, but the rest he does not use save for academic pursuits.

Here, where there is little point doing any of that, money is of little value other than to allow the flow of knowledge, which is what this deal is meant for. ]

Eight thousand, and we will discuss the rest once you produce results. You have yet to prove your capabilities to me, after all.

[lovebombing]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmokay!

[And a light clap of the hands, beaming.]

Looks like me and you got a deal! Let's shake on it, then. This Sampo Koski won't let you down.

[And here, a gloved hand for you, doctor.]

[curingidiocy]

[ The way he says that is incredibly suspicious, but Ratio remains outwardly impassive. He firmly grasps Sampo's hand and shakes it. The deal is sealed. ]

May we have a fruitful relationship.

[lovebombing]

I hope we do.

[In the end, all that matters is profit.]

[He draws his hand back, satisfied.]

Say, a doctor...doctor of what?

[curingidiocy]

A doctor that intends on curing humanity of the disease known as 'idiocy'.

[ Well, their task is done here, so he immediately turns around with the intention to leave. If Sampo has anything to say, he better say it before Ratio vacates the premises. ]

[lovebombing]

That's...

[A pretty big order to fill, he thinks, but Ratio is already turning heel to go. He won't keep him. He might be a curious, friendly guy, but he knows his limits.]

[A little wave.]

Catch you around, doc. I'll keep in touch. Keep your inbox open for me, alright? Hehe.