text | @kon

[shadowban]

out of curiosity: would you pay to cuddle or nap with a furry animal, if you had the option? if you didn't have to do any cleanup and you're assured they won't have rabies or anything like that.

i've met enough people who seem to want physical comfort of this type, so i thought i might ask.

[ this is a sincere enquiry, please respect his post! ]

Comments

@ typhoon

[photosympathies]

Wait, you can pay them to let you pet them?! I've been trying to lure cats out of the alley with bites of my sandwich!!

[shadowban]

cats can't really eat bread, and if you're aggressively offering them food they might think you're challenging them.

have you tried offering small bits of raw fish instead?

[photosympathies]

Oh. Oh.

Okay, fish I can do. Do you think the tuna from the 7-11 would work?

[shadowban]

that would work. i could point out some good picks, if you need help? have you ever fed cats before?

[photosympathies]

Back home, yeah. But fish is hard to come by so I mostly try offering them the worm jerky or whatever mystery meat is in my sandwiches, which is kind of why I thought it would work here.

[shadowban]

[ worm... jerky... megumi's pulling a face real quick. ]

i'll come with you to the konbini, typhoon-san. cats can eat other things too, but it'll be easier to pick out if you're familiar with their food categories. i'll take a can of tuna as payment for my help.

[ in another life, megumi might've had a career as a conman. ]

[photosympathies]

( It's better barbecued. )

I can do that! Whatever you need. Also, please just call me Vash! Typhoon-san sounds really cool but I like to be friends with people.

(✿◠‿◠)

[shadowban]

vash

i'm sorry.
i cannot do it.
would vash-san be an acceptable compromise?

[ it's not that he's loyally sticking to tradition or courtesy; it's his way of rebelling against gojo satoru's staggering informality. besides, his sister would've frowned at him for discarding his manners so easily. ]

[photosympathies]

Vash-san is fine.

Tsurumaru calls me that, and Raidou, and a lot of other people. I never know if I'm supposed to do it back though.

[shadowban]

we practice respect not because it's expected of us, but because it is just to serve as good examples for others. you don't have to respond the same way if you're not comfortable with it.

raidou is kuzunoha-san? you're friends with him also?

[photosympathies]

IT'S A RESPECT THING???

HAVE I BEEN RUDE TO EVERYONE?????

[shadowban]

[ ah— ]

not intentionally? it's not wholly expected if you're not local, vash-san. if you're not being rude on purpose, i'm sure it's fine.

[photosympathies]

How do I use it? Is it everyone's name?

[shadowban]

[ ahh... ]

perhaps we could start small? honorifics can get complex very quickly.

you could also just ask people what they prefer to be called. some people care a lot, and some don't.

[photosympathies]

Okay, I'll do that.

How should I call you? That's a good place to start, right?

[shadowban]

i prefer fushiguro, vash-san. thank you for asking.

[ see, that wasn't too bad. ]

what kind of cats were you trying to lure?

[photosympathies]

With -san attached?

...

Wait.

... Wait.

RABBIT GUY? You're back???

[shadowban]

[ —eh??? ]

ah, i think you've met the previous me. my name is fushiguro megumi. it's good to make your acquaintance again, though i don't have any memories of my previous stay here.

[photosympathies]

Oh!

Don't worry about it. That happened to me too. I didn't remember anyone, though apparently last me made up some pretty neat pizza combos that I'm jealous I don't remember. We can start again! Though now the petting business makes sense.

[shadowban]

ah, pizza? that must be nice. i personally don't know much about cooking well, much less baking.

[ he can make things edible. please don't ask him for more. ]

also, when you call it that it sounds more scandalous than it is. 'pet cuddles' should be fine for a business card!

[photosympathies]

I don't know if I made it, only that I put Oreos on it. Which was funny, because I didn't remember ever having an Oreo in the first place. If you need cooking advice though, you should go meet my buddy Bakugo. He's the one who taught me. I knew a little, used to work in diners, but then he has me making stuff with rice now and it's neat.

... Why would a petting business be scandalous? I don't think it sounds too bad. It's not like you accidentally told everyone you were a rent boy your very first week because you wanted to do odd jobs and had even made up some fun flyers and then people on the network had to tell you it meant something else ...

[shadowban]

you put oreos on a pizza.

...if you made it work, then i guess it works. i do put berries on pizza slices sometimes, just to make them taste less greasy and salty.

[ no pineapples though. he doesn't mess with that. ]

i don't know anyone named bakugo yet, but if you know his handle, i could look him up? i'm still getting the hang of the data files, but it's searchable at least.

why would you call yourself a prostitute if you didn't know what that meant?

[photosympathies]

I don't remember if it was good or not, 'cos I don't remember being here. But next time I get pizza I'll stop by the konbini and grab some oreos. I wonder if they were whole or I crumbled them up.

He's Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite. A real fun guy!

AND I DIDN'T KNOW. I THOUGHT A RENT BOY WAS A BOY FOR RENT. I'm boy-shaped. And I was letting myself be hired for jobs, you know. It felt logical.

🎀 closing us out!

[shadowban]

i'll join you on your trip to the konbini. documenting experiments is an important part of learning, even if we're learning from ourselves.

[ and also: he wants to witness what oreo pizza tastes like.




and guri-san is truly inescapable, is he? UGH. ]

i don't know if fun is how i would describe him, but please. boy-shaped or otherwise, do not put yourself up for lease. you're worth more than that. just say 'services for hire', maybe?

[ never mind, that sounds just as silly. ]

we'll come up with something, vash-san. don't worry.