𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚡 𝙽𝚎𝚝𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔

out of curiosity: would you pay to cuddle or nap with a furry animal, if you had the option? if you didn't have to do any cleanup and you're assured they won't have rabies or anything like that.

i've met enough people who seem to want physical comfort of this type, so i thought i might ask.

[ this is a sincere enquiry, please respect his post! ]

Okay, so.

( Hello everybody, it's Vash the Stampede currently sitting on the floor in his room surrounded by an absolutely mammoth pile of plushies. It's fine, don't worry about it. ) I may not be the guy with all the Christmas knowledge, we don't really have it where I'm from, but I do know the whole point is gift-giving, right? And what do kids need in the gift-giving season? Toys. Now I've done my best at the arcade, won whatever I can, but I think the guy running the place is super out for my hide -. ( A laugh, bright and uncomplicated. It's fine. ) - which means I need help. Because the Orphanage has a whole range of ages, right? And maybe some of them don't want cuddly toys - who am I to judge?

( He is judging a teensy tiny bit, because he thinks cuddly animals are great. )

So toys. I was wondering if anyone had anything they wanted to donate. We had that whole thing with the fake guns, right? ( He pulls a face, but he's going to soldier on. ) And there were those little figures that one time. If anyone's got anything they don't want anymore that we could fix up to give to those in need that would be really great. Or if anyone wants to try their hand at the other machines, I guess as long as it's not me the owner can't be too pissed. Anything would be super appreciated. They deserve something nice too, you know?

( And while he's aware that some people here are angrier about the Transylvanian orphans than others, he's hoping everyone secretly has a good heart down deep. )

[It's one of those slow days for a certain god, so he's started mulling over things in that ominous sort of way one does around 3am. This despite the fact it is NOT three in the fucking morning and is instead during the day when normal people are doing normal people things.

Sadly, Yato is not normal.]

Hey guys! I've been thinking, if you could choose what sort of kaiju shows up next, what would it be?

Some of us want a big turkey or chicken kaiju for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but how cool would it be if there was a capybara kaiju?! Or maybe you wanna see a unicorn one! Or something freaky with tentacles and lots of eyes! You monsterfuckers, you. Hehe~

So tell me about your dream kaiju! I'm all ears!

And no saying "no kaiju" - that's cheating!

I need advice!

( Hello network, here's your friendly neighbourhood Stampede about to fully launch into something with no forewarning and no introductions. It's how he makes friends ... and also enemies, don't worry. ) So, we have to get jobs, right? But I'm not exactly sure what I'd be good at. I usually just do whatever people need around the towns I'm visiting, which means I know a little of most things. But I figured this place was new and people might be a little more cautious about that. So I made flyers!

( In one hand - metal, blue sometimes sea green - Vash holds up a stack of leaflets. )

Only when I was trying to give them out I got a lot of dirty looks so can someone tell me what I've done wrong! I really want to be useful while I'm here.

( Turning the flyer around so that his ( unfortunate ) captive audience can see. The design is obviously home made, and probably in a rush. On the paper it proudly proclaims

VASH THE STAMPEDE
RENT BOY
WILL DO WHATEVER YOU NEED
COST: ???
Below that is a crude drawing of the man himself - a stick figure with a triangle body ( his coat, sadly missing ) and a mass of spiky hair. It has a crude beaming smile on the circle of a face. )

Is it the drawing? I could have done better I guess, but I was in a hurry. ( A pause, a slow dawning realisation. ) Aw, shoot. It's the name, right? I didn't use my civilian name! Crap, that's probably a no-no.

( Nothing else could be the issue.

... Right? )