synnet | text; @Goldilocks, after April fight

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critical role: taryon darrington

text; @Goldilocks, after April fight

[Everyone has to know. Some saw what happens to Ereshkigal during the fight, some only know that she disappeared. As the one responsible, Taryon feels he's deserved the position on breaking the bad news to ll Outsiders.]

It is with a heavy heart that I must relay to you all that our friend Ereshkigal is not with us any longer. She was thrown into a Rift by the kaiju and vanished. She fought valiantly and tried to protect me even in her last moments. I'm sorry. I wish we didn't suffer such a heavy loss in this fight. - Taryon Darrington

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Really shitty, to be honest.

That's to be expected, I suppose. Not sure what I was hoping for asking such a question.

[Bit of a pause between messages.]

Would you like some company?

[They're all in relative proximity to each other. Isn't that enough company?

Although having someone sit down next to him would be better.]

I would appreciate it. Thank you for offering.

[He doesn't reply, just shows up and drops down lightly beside Taryon. Close but not uncomfortably so.

A beat, then:]

I fear my ability to console has been eroded with my passage of time in an unsympathetic household, so only my presence may have to suffice.

[He was being honest (what was he supposed to do? pat him on the back? that seems patronizing, doesn't it?), but also a mite self-deprecating in hopes of making the other man at least snort.]

[Taryon sits staring at the ground. His hair is uncombed; the end of the fight hasn't put in him the best mindset for self-grooming, but Doty is there to pat him comfortingly on the shoulder while waiting for Astarion to approach. There's always his emotional support robot.

When Astarion suddenly appears on the seat beside him, Taryon jumps in surprise but calms when he realizes who it is.] Sorry, I get jumpy.

[Brushing a lock of hair over his ear, he sits up.] Just having you here is fine enough. I...get it. [After seeing how Astarion lived for centuries, Tary can't blame him. A toxic home can - as one would put it - fuck you up real bad. An effort to be sympathetic is a tremendous sign.]

[Taryon looks a mess, and that makes Astarion all the more pity him. He wants to reach out and fix his hair for him, but he can't even bring himself to put a consoling arm around him, so how could he do that. He frowns.]

I'm glad. Besides, it seems Doty has you covered.

[Don't be jealous of a man's childhood robot. But he is. Astarion will just adjust like he was being fussy, but coming a couple centimeters closer.]

...What is she like? Your friend?

[Astarion is getting kind of close. It's strange seeing this behavior from someone so initially antagonistic, but that may be just what friendship is like.]

Ereshkigal? Well, she's... [a lot] she's a vivacious person. A very emotional friend who feels great sorrow and great joy. We used to talk about comics together. Do you know what those are? [Finally facing Astarion, his eyes light up with the thought of something other than his lost friend.] They're stories based on sequential images and dialogue. The ones published in Japan are in black and white, but I found that other places publish entire books in color--

[He suddenly stops. Right. This probably isn't the best time to talk about this.]

Well, we talked a lot. About books.

[A faint hint of a smile comes to his lips as Taryon starts to perk up. This was why he asked, after all, it wasn't as if hearing information on her would benefit Astarion any. No offense, Ereshkigal.

But almost as soon as that light had turned on in Taryon's eyes did it disappear, and the vague smile left him as well. But he says, conversationally enough in tone as he crosses a leg over a knee in a typical Astarion fashion.]

Ah, yes, I saw some of those on your bookshelves. They seemed interesting, if a bit crude in art.

[He still hasn't comprehended cartoons as art yet.]

Was she a fan of that flowery romantic drivel you so love, too?

[Nudges him with a ribald elbow. Just a bit of friendly ribbing, right?]

They have to be simple designs. They're drawing hundreds and hundreds of characters for one story. It's designed with an artistic eye, not some...made-up child's drawing.

[Just has to defend his Disney ducks along with the serious graphic novels.]

Oh, no, she's more interested in romance novels. I like adventure novels. Romanticism isn't the same as romance. [As everyone knows.] But our interests overlapped. That's how having a book discussion partner is like.

Oh, ho, is it now? Well, I wouldn't know, not having found one of my own. [He gives him a look like one might for catching a hot lay for the night.] You lucky fellow.

[Taryon gives him a flat look and responds in an equally flat tone.]

Our relationship is nothing like that.

[His initial reaction is to retort that he's aware Taryon is 1,010% homosexual, but he swallows it down.]

I'm aware. I was making a joke. I . . . apologize if it was in bad taste.

[Apologizing. Gross.]

[Taryon breathes in sharply and tightens his grip on his knees...

And relaxes.] It's fine. There are already unsavory rumors about her and Ration floating around, and I don't want any lies about me. Or her.

[What if people mistake his chivalrous behavior as a hint of heterosexuality? That could damage his reputation!]

I don't...really like these sorts of jokes. That's all.

That's fair, considering...

[Considering the memory that had been shared with Astarion. Being denied a part of you is by no means pleasant.]

But all the same, you are lucky to have a friend like that here. Read a nice, titillating book so once she returns you have something exciting to talk to her about.

[Taryon doesn't ask for clarification. There's a lot that Astarion learned from his memory, and now is not the time to go over the repercussions of his father ending Taryon's first relationship.]

I'll...find something she likes, how about that? When I'm not working on finding her. Some of these fine people here already have plans on investigating the rifts. I just have to do all I can to make it go faster.

Sounds as if she has many people to rely on then. I'm almost jealous.

[He IS jealous, and though he tries to say it flippantly enough, the edge is there. A jealousy so deeply rooted in him from centuries of wanting to be rescued or even just missed that though he knows this time should be for Taryon it just can't keep itself fully hidden ]

I'm sure she would appreciate it no matter what you did.

[Taryon's eyes flick to Astarion. Almost jealous. Because he didn't have a horde of teammates looking for him because...he was dead for a long time? No one knew where he had disappeared? Cazador was hiding his identity?

And here is Ereshkigal, not even minutes gone and with multiple plans of rescue.]

Yeah. But... [He turns to fully face Astarion.] Are you...alright about this? That we're looking out for her while...never mind. I shouldn't bring it up.

[He blinks and glances at him curiously, unable to guess what Taryon was going to say.]

While what? Go on, I'm listening.

It's just...

[He tries to smile, but he ends up looking like a chimpanzee displaying all of its teeth in a show of fear.]

I hope you don't feel bitter that we're doing this for her when I saw what happened to you when you were living...at that castle.

I--ah...

[He's stunned, as if Taryon had just sucker punched him. He stares at him for a second, red eyes shining with some ill-used emotion before he has to look away.

Any time he had expressed some sort of jealousy, or bitter comment, for aide or rescue he had never been afforded he had been met with dismissive replies or treated like some spoiled child. Sure, he could be abrasive, or even petulant, about it but was he truly that out of line?

And here Taryon is not acting like Astarion was out of line or being silly about it. Astarion finds it hard to talk for a moment, and he really wants to hug him but he finds he can only look at his own hands, resting on his knees. The small spark of of that envy and anger fizzles out from being shown that sympathy.]

I won't lie, I feel quite jealous, even some anger, but it's not--it's not something you should worry over.

[As he says that he reaches out, placing a hopefully comforting hand on Taryon's leg.]

[It's not often someone lays a hand on him in a comforting gesture - save for his closest of friends. Granted, the hand above the knee draws a pinkness onto Taryon's cheeks for other reasons, but that's not a bad thing. It doesn't make him uncomfortable as long as it's just a brief touch.

His hand balls into a weak fist.] I wouldn't blame you. I mean, it's not the same thing, but growing up, I was envious of stories where people were free to leave their home and have adventures while I was stuck to do my duty and...

[He clears his throat.] But just so you know, if you fell into the rift, I'd also want to help you get out. But I'm also glad that you're still here. [His eyes narrow as he smiles at his good friend. A kind friend, despite having lived for so long.

He's so lucky to also have all these people that have his back.]

[It isn't a brief touch, his hand remains there as he stares at him. Taryon was right that his situation didn't match his, and in the past Astarion would have snapped at him for comparing them, but he knows this man understands. He has been a witness to just enough to understand.

Astarion wants to lean in and kiss him.

There was no other way to take this feeling he has. He might as well fully admit it (to himself at least) that the fondness he has for Taryon has grown to affection at some nebulous point before this day. It's a frightening feeling; the last time he had grown soft for a man it had not ended well after all, and so he can't bring himself to act upon his desire. However, seeing Taryon smile was enough for him in this moment.

So all he does is smile back, and nods in acknowledgement to Taryon's words that even through Astarion's pessimism he knows he means.]

And I, you.

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text; @Goldilocks, after April fight

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