01 | @hearse

[wheft]

Is anyone willing to exchange Christmas gifts with me
I really don't want the one they gave me and I doubt they'd let me return it
If not I'll just burn it or shred it to pieces I don't fucking care

[ attached to the bottom of this post is a picture of a printed sweater. it looks innocuous enough, but... well. it's a lot to unpack honestly, and she'd rather throw out the entire suitcase. ]

Comments

@NIGHTFALL

[yuwon]

I don't think your sweater would fit me.

[ a few seconds later— ]

I think my civilian job dictates I should probably suggest not burning it. But, let me know if you need a flame, anyway.

[wheft]

[ trying to imagine yuwon in the sweater and... well. that almost made her chuckle ngl. ]

I mean, if it ever goes out of control, at least you'll finally get some work done, right?

[yuwon]

I think I'm fine with no work.

But, is the sweater that bad?

[wheft]

It just reminded me of recent events. I already told you of my old profession back home, right?

[yuwon]

You did. Does the ...

[ you know what... ]

have to do with that?

[wheft]

Yeah. I want to give LILITH the benefit of the doubt because they probably saw my accomplishments somehow but... it's still in bad taste all the same.

[yuwon]

I think your doubts are pretty well founded. It's clear they know a decent amount about us. [ if they had the tech to implant shit into them, he presumes they know a lot more than they've advertised. ]

So, does that mean you've decided to burn it?

[wheft]

Depends. Do you feel like exchanging yours for mine?

[yuwon]

That also depends. Do you like eggs?

[wheft]

Eggs??

[ ?????? ]

[yuwon]

[ why is this the first photo he sends anyone... ]

[wheft]

That's... adorable.

[ yuwon never beating the gap moe allegations ever ]

Do you like eggs that much if they chose to give that to you? [ she doesn't know.......... ]

[yuwon]

[ this is horrible. ]

Not necessarily.

But, I did have an egg back at home. Though, no one knows what would have hatched from it. Especially now. [ listen, it's Complicated. don't make me do this. ]

[wheft]

[ sorry bijoo... ]

Why do you have an egg in the first place? [ ... ] Can you even eat it?

[yuwon]

It was a reward.

[ which sounds weirder now that he thinks about it, but— ]

It's a living being... Could you eat something that speaks to you. [ ish... why is eating it your first thought. ]

[wheft]

Not really, but...

[ sorry... something shifted ever since she's been exposed to too much freaky chickens back home-- ]

Wait, it talks?

[yuwon]

[ what chickens??? projmoon has chickens and whales??? ]

Sometimes it sings, or prompts me to hurry up. It also enjoys a nice bath once in a while.

[wheft]

[ AHSJDHS OF COURSE THERE ARE ANIMALS IN PROJMOON... HELLO....... ]

It's more like a pet at this point. Are you sure it won't hatch into some monster that'll try to eat you one day?

[yuwon]

[ STOP!!! THOSE WEREN'T ANIMALS YOU SHOWED ME!!! ]

If it's a monster I can use, I don't mind.

But, does this mean you like them? You seemed pretty excited to eat just now.

[wheft]

[ hehe... don't worry about it ]

I was just thinking about food. It isn't that deep.

Anyway, I don't think I can take that egg machine from you. It's too valuable.

[yuwon]

Valuable...?

[ ??? ish??? ]

[wheft]

I mean, would you really exchange a machine that'll make you perfectly made eggs in exchange for one ratty sweater? I think that's unfair.

[yuwon]

I probably won't use either, so it makes no difference to me.

Besides, it'd save you from wearing it, or giving it to someone who would. And if you feel bad about it, let's say I ask for a cooked egg once in a while.

[wheft]

Would you really wear it? Because it might a bad idea if I see you in it, to be honest.

[ the feminine urge to kill a whale, printed or not ]

[yuwon]

As fun [ 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️ ] as it would be to see you in action...

I seriously don't think it would fit, and I doubt you'd want to see me in it.