01 | @hearse

[wheft]

Is anyone willing to exchange Christmas gifts with me
I really don't want the one they gave me and I doubt they'd let me return it
If not I'll just burn it or shred it to pieces I don't fucking care

[ attached to the bottom of this post is a picture of a printed sweater. it looks innocuous enough, but... well. it's a lot to unpack honestly, and she'd rather throw out the entire suitcase. ]

Comments

@ESSENCE

[cleansewithfire]

I do not want to trade the gift I received, but I can find something else to trade for it.

[ Since Ishmael seems to want to get rid of it, but Sunrise doesn't think it's right for her to not get something nicer as a replacement.

After a moment, however, she also has to add this, because of course she does: ]

Burning it may still be cathartic.

@girlboss

[plagiarists]

can i watch you burn it if no one wants to trade with u

[ Helpful as always 😌 ]

[wheft]

Deeply considering it right now. Wings know how much I'm holding myself back from lighting up a match and throwing it at the damn thing...

[wheft]

Wow, so you're not even going to offer yours? Some help you are.

[ she's serious rn girl!!!! ]

@shiro

[cranekin]

Is it the wrong size?

[wheft]

I don't even feel like wearing it to find out.

@duke

[frostfist]

That bad, huh?

[ the #trauma, not the sweater. ]

I'd offer you mine, but it's not much better.

[ but if she really wants his mug (which he'll send a little snapshot of over) he'll give it to her no questions asked. ]

[wheft]

It's putting it lightly, yeah.

[ it's so bad, king... she does snort at the mug, though. ]

Is it accurate, though? The mug, I mean.

[cranekin]

Ah.
Not your style, then?

[wheft]

It's... a lot more personal than that. I'm interpreting this as some sick joke from them, honestly.

[cranekin]

A sick joke... ah, that would explain the curse that's going around now.

[wheft]

A... curse?

(nsfw text)

[cranekin]

👅💦👨🏻FELIZ NAVIDADDY 👨🏻👅💦🧑‍🎄⁉️ARE YOU READY TO GET YOUR JINGLE BALLS ROCKED ⁉️ 🎄today we celebrate jesus first CUMMING 😩 and encourage his second 💦 🧑‍🎄prepare to be FILLED 😩 with holiday cheer😉 you’ve heard of ELF ON THE SHELF 🧝🏼‍♂️ but get ready to REARRANGE HER 🤶🏽😵‍💫 UNDER THE MANGER 🐪🍃👅 santa’s got a BIG 😮 SWEET 🍭STICKY 💧🍯 CANDY CANE 🍬to put under your tree not only is santa claus coming to town 🏘️ but he’s also PENETRATING 👉🏼👌🏼the CHIMNEY 🕳️ 💨 and CUMMING ON ME ☃️ so don’t come a KNOCKIN 🤰🏻if the sleighs a ROCKIN 🛷😩 if you’ve got the cookie 🍪👅 santa’s got the MILK 🍼💦 and santa is HUNG 🍆‼️like the ornaments ‼️on your tree 🎄❓SO ASK YOURSELF ❓will you be TOPPING 😜👆🏼your tree this year or BOTTOMING? 😋 👇🏼 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your SLUTTIEST ELVES 🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♂️👅 to receive a WHITE 🍼💦 christmas 😩🧑‍🎄 if you don’t get 1️⃣0️⃣ back get ready for santa’s 👅🪨ROCK HARD🪨👅 coal 😵‍💫

[frostfist]

You tell me. It'd be pretty pompous if I went around describing myself as a [ looks back at the mug ] total freaking badass.

[ literally who comes up with these things ]

[wheft]

See, I'd take your mug if you're really serious, but I don't know if I want to go around and pretend to be a badass prison guard. You already make it sound boring. Er, no offense.

[ she can't see herself getting an ID of one in the future either... ]

[wheft]

[ ... ]

That's not a curse. It's spam.

[cranekin]

People keep using words in this era and I have no idea what they mean.

[frostfist]

None taken.

[ would he rather go around killing and being traumatized by whales, nnnnnot really, but he can't deny that 95% of his daily workload is boring-ass accounting. ]

What sorts of gifts do you like then? Now that whale-themed sweaters are out.

@darakuron

[notbymyside]

We certainly got varied presents, I see.

Mine was tasteful and quite nice.

@risk

[kubricks]

It sounds like destroying it is what you really want to do. So I'm not sure a trade would help.

[wheft]

Wow, good for you! It sure is nice to hear that nobody's gotten anything distressing so far!

[ sorry, she's not in the mood............... ]

@eleventh

[tidemark]

Hey there, Ishmael.

You seem pretty upset by the gift from Lilith. Does it have something to do with what you told me before?

[wheft]

I just wanted to see if someone else would want it. Not gonna lie, it is tempting to just... destroy it with everything I have. But I'm not that kind of person anymore.

[wheft]

Yeah. You saw the note attached to their present? To me it just seems like a threat now if I end up disapponting them lmao

[tidemark]

I don't think it is too different from our treatment so far, but I see what you mean. You should have confidence, though. You did well in that simulation before.

Shall I get you a gift to replace the sweater?