[text] @xXdarkwarriorXx

[fessus]

Who's the worst person you've met here and why? Pref an Outsider but if they've all been cool I'll open it up to whoever

I'm making a list



Bonus: if you guess a number between 1 and 100 and get closest to the one I'm thinking of I've got smth for you

Comments

2/2

[gyve]

You're stubborn
It's not like I can stop you

( HE'S LEARNING. )

I'll see what you come up with
In the meantime yes I'd like the whole thing

[fessus]

[ He takes a moment to feel a sense of satisfaction that Kaladin has accepted his fate. ]

Fine I'll make sure it feels like you

Idk following "born unto eternity" is pretty hard since that's a lot cooler

Noctis means night
Lucis means light
Caelum means sky/heaven

So light of the night sky is how you're supposed to put it together

[gyve]

( Light of the night sky. Recalling Noctis, a bright spot in a dark storm during their battle with the Imugi, Kaladin decides the name couldn't suit him better. )

You think born unto eternity is cooler than light of the night sky
No way
You're essentially the moons

[fessus]

I wish

My friend/fiancee's name is Luna, which means moon. So she's already got that covered

I'll settle for star if you're going to be timeless and eternal, I have to at least match

[gyve]

( Shock forces the words from his mouth before he's able to guard them. )

You're getting married

( For once, his lack of punctuation suits what's transcribed by his implant. Any would work to describe how he's feeling, and the sentence is both a question and a statement.

There's a sinking in his gut, and Kaladin recognizes it because he's felt it before—for a woman. For Shallan, when she was pursuing Adolin instead of him. When they became engaged to be married. When he stared actionlessly after her for several months. When his affection finally built into something Syl encouraged him to pursue—something he'd almost destroyed a friendship for—only for her to recommit herself to her first—and best—choice.

He's disappointed.

Shaken, Kaladin cuts their conversation short. )

Congratulations
You deserve to be happy Noctis

If anything comes up that you feel I should be made aware of send that list over
I want to keep an eye on the people reported there

[fessus]

[ Those three words cut through another relaxed bit of banter and Noctis suddenly realizes his mistake... even if he doesn't yet understand why it was a mistake. It's still too hard to fathom that a fraction of his own intrusive, confusing thoughts might be shared by his friend, after all. ]

I was

[ Kaladin's shutting their conversation down. He can feel it, and yet he still feels the need to defend a statement that doesn't require a defense. To mitigate it somehow. ]

But yeah I'll get the list together

You have to go?

[gyve]

Yes

( No elaboration. No lie. No... nothing. )

I'll talk to you later

🔒 locking this down hard

[fessus]

[ He's ready to accept the goodbye... but he doesn't. Can't, more accurately, because all it will do is eat at him. ]

Kaladin hold on

🔒 gay panic lock

[gyve]

( Hearing the message come in makes him tense as if he were bracing against a blow. )

Yes what is it

🔒 1/2

[fessus]

[ How does he say it? What does he say? ]

🔒 2/2

[fessus]

You changed when I mentioned Luna

[ No. Not Luna specifically, they've talked about her before. Kaladin made what he had an issue with very clear. ]

Tell me you're not upset that we were engaged

🔒

[gyve]

( Were?

It doesn't matter. Whether Noctis is engaged is no longer why Kaladin needs to stop talking to him. This has become deeply personal, and he has no one but himself to consult—or to vehemently ignore. )

I said I need to go
I don't have time for this now

🔒

[fessus]

[ It doesn't make sense. Especially now, after they'd come to terms with a fight predicated on Noctis's cowardice. Now Kaladin wants to just back out without any explanation? He's lying to him, Noctis knows it, and that feeling of confusion is morphing rapidly into genuine anger. ]

Are you serious?

[ He's going to run away and leave Noctis to deal with this on his own, is that it? ]

🔒 1/2

[gyve]

( Their last argument is fresh in his mind. They came out of it communicating, sharing intimate facts about their lives that were rarely—if ever—addressed by their peers. But something changed that night, and it created a vacuum between them.

Something has to fill it. Kaladin, afraid of what that is, reels back.

He wants out of this conversation. He wants out of this moment. He wants out. He wants out. He wants out— )

🔒 2/2

[gyve]

Maybe I just don't want to talk to you right now Noctis
Did you ever think about that

🔒

[fessus]

[ So that's it then. Kaladin removes any lingering ambiguity as to where he stands and what he wants, and even though Noctis lacks any substantive answer that he desires so badly he gets what he needs.

An excuse to respect himself and his friend, and walk away. ]

Yk what? I didn't

Thanks for the heads up. Don't let me keep you, I've got enough bullshit to deal with

[gyve]

( Pressing his fingers against his eyes until they ache, Kaladin listens to Noctis' final messages. Patterns begin to form where he's made himself blind, errant light spots or some such phenomena. Faintly colourful fractals, dashes, dots, and noise. He only stops when a nauseous feeling begins to radiate from the front of his face—a headache forming from the callousness he shows himself in what he recognizes now as a low mood.

He didn't mean to say something so hurtful, but his control recently is poor. He's succumbing to his disappointment by seeking a quiet place to stand and refusing to withdraw himself from it. That's how the darkness catches up. That's how the selfishness of his disease wins.

So, instead of seeking help as he recommended Noctis do, Kaladin sits in an empty stall inside their shared restrooms. With floor-to-ceiling doors, it's easy to press his back against the door and stare at the rim of the toilet, rake his hair back from his face, and sigh out an uneven breath. Maybe if he keeps breathing like this, he won't panic. It'd be loud if he did, and though how he dismissed Noctis was cruel, it wasn't a lie. Talking to anyone sounds like the last thing he wants to do—even if it's the first thing he needs to do.

But how could Kaladin explain any of it?

Overwhelmed by possibilities and decisions, he bows his head and hangs on tightly to the back of his neck. )