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Pardon me for interrupting, but I have something that needs to be said.

[ He's polite enough, standing out in the common area, but Nanami has a very serious expression on. Extra serious today, since he's holding one of the sad, worn real paper books in his hand. Considering he's made his appearance resemble a suit, he could pass for someone's stern PA. ]

The library on the premises is in need of more care, but it's still functional. The books in this world are mostly digital, so items like this should be considered rare specimens. Even though they aren't common in daily use, they're valuable you should look at them as precious antiques. Treat them as such. And YET-

[ He opens the book to reveal some heavy line scrawls over the page. Someone was apparently treating this as free paper for doodle practice! ...or map-making, sure, but doodle practice to him. ]

This item is an example of traditional printing methods that began over a thousand years ago. In this age, these techniques are already practically lost arts.

I would deeply appreciate if everyone would respect the library and leave it intact. I understand that the appearance isn't very inviting, but I will attend to that part personally. Please don't make things difficult for me.

[ Okay, maybe the PA of some gangster. Nanami does nod, though. ]

Thank you for cooperating.

[ And now with that out of the way, still riding a very serious wave: ]

Itadori-kun. I need a word in private.

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[ Nanami leans forward with his head bowed into his hand, trying to find the right response despite knowing he's just burned through every correct answer he should have given. He shouldn't have said all of that. Even if they are no longer being held under the rules of jujutsu society, he's still a traitor. And while he personally might not have any real love for what they do, the ones that always mattered most to him lived on the ideals of that society. He upholds the best parts of it for them, for everything that they poured into it and sacrificed their lives to. He's betraying their memories as much as the parts he hates.

But what is he supposed to do? Ignore the suffering right in front of him? That's something that Nanami can never allow himself to compromise on. Even if he can't escape the consequences, it's better to face what is right in front of him than submit to cruelty he can't agree with. Absently, he finds himself asking ghosts once again what to do. What is he supposed to choose if nothing is right either way? He hears Yuji say that he doesn't want him to have to see him die; to feel what he felt, but Yuji doesn't know how late that sentiment is.

Nanami lets out another breath, running his hand back through his hair as he sits up and turns toward Yuji, slipping partly away from his weight to examine him. He lifts his arm and pulls Yuji under it, locking him under an awkward hold and keeping him in place. ]

It doesn't have to be right away. And it shouldn't be just so others don't have to lose you first. We all live with that risk every day. I'm saying that if you do lose your life, it shouldn't be over something like not trying or thinking that what you can do only amounts to numbers of lives. Affecting a single person still matters, and if you can breathe, you can still do something.

[ Haibara, I'm sorry. Try not to hate me for this. ]

I don't know what the answer is either. Living is complicated. The dead have it easier... but the dead can't change anything. That part is still up to us.

[ When was the last time someone comforted Yuji like this? He's trying to remember.

I can no longer stay with everyone; he should've kept that promise. He should've maintained that, because then Fushiguro would've been safe, wouldn't he? Yuji can lay the blame at his own feet, the constant chances to make sure his friend was safe. Even if Fushiguro would've chased him the whole time, Yuji knows the right choice was within his grasp. Saving himself doesn't mean anything if he isn't able to save Fushiguro at the same time.

Yuji's expecting Nanami to nudge him back a little, to put space between them - he wouldn't blame him for that sort of thing - but then he's wrapped up under Nanami's arm, and it feels like a relief. The urge to run away is tempered by the solid understanding of Nanami doing what he can to ease some of Yuji's painful feelings, and it's the kind of relief he could never have imagined deserving. Nanami, surely, has better things to do with his time now that he's alive again than worry about what Yuji is doing, but here they both are. Seeking and offering comfort in a twisting, gentle spiral that's impossible to ignore.

Nodding his head, he musters himself, trying to squeeze his eyes shut to stop the tears. He'll fall apart otherwise, and that will be embarrassing, to cry all over Nanami again like he had that first time. There's only so much he can do before he becomes someone worth avoiding. ]

Yeah... Even now, I can still do something. That's true.

[ Even if he loses control of Sukuna, even if somehow what he thinks happens will happen... As long as he is breathing, he will fight for the best outcome. That's the kind of thing he can do, and it's what he's always been good at: determination, strength, pushing himself back together again to overcome whatever grief he is given. No matter what he suffers, Yuji will overcome it. ]

Nanamin... I'm really glad you're here. Even if this is hard for you, I'm glad I get to spend more time with you.

Don't forget that.

[ The stern tone returns, and Nanami's hold turns into something like a headlock, tightening to drive his point home with physical force. If he has to, he'll hunt Yuji down and fight him personally just to keep him from being too reckless. He wants to be able to trust Yuji to act on his own beliefs, in others and in himself, and if he can't rely on him to do that, he'll just have to intervene. Talking is his attempt to make his own opinions clear without having to get in the way of Yuji's life. ]

You're still a kid. Don't get cocky just because you're stronger now.

[ And that isn't what he means, but he gets rough with Yuji anyway, pulling him harder under his arms. It's not about arrogance, but about the constant self-effacing focus that puts all of the weight on his own shoulders. The way Yuji won't consider that others can't just give over their pain to him. That as much as their love is an intimate feeling that belongs only to them. Their lives and deaths can't be transferred to him--that is the kind of mindset the singularly powerful have, thinking that their strength makes them different from other people. ]

There's nothing wrong with just being a kid and worrying about yourself. It's difficult. It's painful! So if you know that, then stop making me worry about you.

[ Once he finally gets the urge to strangle Yuji in a chokehold out of his system, Nanami loosens his arm, only to grab him roughly by the shoulders and turn him so that they're facing each other. ]

Listen to me. Listen, because I don't want to repeat myself. I'm not going anywhere. You got it? Take your time. Get used to that. You can call if you need to. I'm not going to leave you here, and neither are your friends. So I don't want you taking stupid risks just to check on us or hear that you've been saying you should be traded just because we put you in a shitty position to begin with. If you have to to anything, get angry. But make sure you know where you're putting that feeling.

[ He shakes him just a bit. It's to snap him out of those dark thoughts. ]

I've got you. Do you understand?

Ahh, Nanamin!

[ Yuji doesn't struggle in the grip of Nanami's arms, even though he could absolutely throw off the other man's grip without too much difficulty. The experience of being able to enjoy this kind of time with someone he cares about, especially his mentor figure, is something that he had been missing for such a long time. The last few weeks of his life, before arriving here, had been so miserable, but...

He equally stops himself from laughing, because that's not what's going on here. Yuji knows he has to take this seriously, he has to listen to what Nanami is telling him and take it on board. This is a serious conversation, for all that there's a level of playfulness about it now, and he lets himself lean in close to the other man, nodding his head as he breathes out. The weight of loss, the pain of losing someone, the suffering of it all... He's already experienced enough of that.

Yuji doesn't want Nanami to have to feel that because of him, so he has to take this in stride. ]

Nanami... Yeah, I get it. I understand. It might take me a little while to really... [ He frowns, trying to find the right words. To take it on? To understand how to put it into practice? He hums a little, leaning forward, resting his head on Nanami's shoulder. It's okay to lean on him, to accept the kindness that he's offering him, the comfort and warmth, all the things he had been missing. Fushiguro had done the same, and Yuji feels as though it's hit him like an electric shock.

People do care about him. They're going to miss him if he's gone. If he dies for them...

He closes his eyes, shut tight. ] I'm going to be better at this, okay? If it's hard, I'll call for you. If I need help, I'll ask. If something bad happens, I'll let myself feel it. I won't run away from those things anymore, or use it to hide. Thank you, for letting me lean on you.

Don't tell me how long it will take.

[ If that sounds similar to something he said the last time Yuji told him it would take him some time to get better at doing things, this is where that similarity ends. ]

I know. You don't have to tell me to wait. You're going to do your best, and you're still going to keep throwing yourself into trouble. That's who you are. I just need you to remember not to get too carried away.

[ He lets his hands move from Yuji's shoulders to his back, holding him in a careful hug, patting him a few times awkwardly, not quite making real contact outside of his palms and Yuji's head pressed against his shoulder. Nanami isn't used to that much contact, and he wants to pull away the way he does with Gojo, who is constantly invading what is acceptable space, but he just stays still instead. He's a slightly uncomfortable, stiff wall of support, but he supports him. ]

You'll do what you need to do. And I believe you'll make the right choice.

Ah, yeah...

[ Yuji sighs softly, allowing this. He listens, takes it in, and nods his head. He's trying to take it on board properly, to stop himself from hurting the people around him. ]

Thanks, Nanamin. Really. I know it's hard to talk about these kinds of things, but I appreciate all the words you've given me. All the advice.

[ It can't be easy for Nanami, who is so adverse to a lot of the things that Yuji is, but the fact that the man is trying means more to Yuji than he is able to express. He wants to wrap himself around him, to hug him properly, to seek out the comfort of his warm embrace, but he knows it'll probably make Nanami uncomfortable, so he doesn't. He relents instead, allowing himself to be calm and relaxed, as much as possible.

As much as he can. ]

I'll make the best choices I can.

[ He is uncomfortable. The close physical contact has always been awkward for Nanami, and expressing genuine concern is painful. He would rather keep quiet and focus on practical action, letting his decisions prove his intentions. But this is what Yuji needs after coming so close to a breakdown. The young sorcerer might not even realize how self-destructive he's being, how much he's courting a ridiculous standard thrown down to him by jujutsu society. Even if that society is no longer there, he seems to have already accepted it all. ]

I'm not...

[ Nanami's voice actually falters with a vulnerability he wasn't expecting. He stops and clears his throat for a second attempt. ]

I'm not your teacher. I don't have the rank to teach you anything beyond the techniques I have. You've already outgrown that. What I'm telling you isn't just from experience as a jujutsu sorcerer. It's as a human. I don't have all of the answers either. But I know what things I can't allow. What you decide to fight for should be the same. You should believe in what you're living for. No matter what reasons you've been given by others, until your last breath, you're still alive. You can still choose what to do as a human.

[ He rests a hand on the back of Yuji's head, holding him in place. ]

It's not that nobody else matters. We just need to decide what our reason is, even if you can't change anything else. But it should be worth living for.

[ Yuji appreciates Nanami giving him this, letting him have this, even if it's not something he's usually happy to do. He's seen the distance Nanami keeps between himself and others at times, so the fact that this is even being allowed to happen... Yuji sighs, sinking into it, letting himself take it, claim it. He's not the kind of person who can accept comfort particularly well, but... ]

I wasn't living for anything except saving Gojo-sensei, really, Nanamin. [ Guess it's time for the brutal honesty, since Nanami is giving him the same. Yuji can confess, just a little bit, of what he's really feeling. ] We had to survive Kenjaku's game, and find a way to save sensei. We found someone who could free him from the prison realm, who could bring him back, but...

[ He tilts his head back into Nanami's touch, breathing out, his fingers gripping at the fabric of his trousers, twisting. If he wasn't controlling his strength, he'd rip them. ]

I think I made a mistake. The last thing I remember is Sukuna saying a word, and taking over my body, and biting my finger off. We all know he's interested in Fushiguro, we all know that he wants something with him, so I'm... I'm really scared. I'm scared about what'll happen when I go back and have to leave you all behind again.

[ Voice shaky, he looks away. ]

And I'm ashamed of myself, for letting it happen.

[ It's painful to hear Yuji talk like that. When Nanami does know how much the odds are stacked against them and that even if Yuji and the remaining sorcerers do somehow manage to succeed, they'll be paying a heavy price. There's no way they wouldn't. But it's even worse to hear Yuji say that he's done something, presumably out of the desperation he must have felt, that only hurts him; that he was only living to rescue Gojo. He hates hearing that Yuji is getting hit by wave after wave of disaster. He might have known that the world was an unfair and cruel place, but there are good people, Yuji one of them, and Nanami can't bear to watch a selfless heart continue to suffer.

It's not fair.

Yuji has every right to be scared. What he's describing Nanami can't see a clear way out of. If they can only get to Gojo, then maybe--but maybe not. That's the simple, devastating truth of the whole thing. Maybe not. Maybe hope is really that out of reach. He doesn't know what Sukuna's actions toward Yuji specifically mean either, but he can guess that it's to serve the curse's selfish goal and also because he has some petty interest in Yuji, not just Megumi.

And with a twist of something in his gut, Nanami feels the gamble weighing down on the future. He draws an audible breath, putting his hand over one of Yuji's clenched fists. ]

Itadori. It doesn't change what I said before. You will go back, but it's because you're still needed. You didn't let anything happen. Sorcerers face unpredictable dangers every day, and nothing can be more unpredictable than a curse we don't have solid information on. It's not over yet.

I believe I haven't misplaced my faith.

[ He doesn't mean to be a burden; he doesn't mean to offer too much, to unload himself, but the words stumble and come out before he can bite them back. Of the people here that he loves, the people here that he is starting to care for, Nanami is someone that he can rely on. He hates that he is offering more suffering and pain to someone that matters so much to him, a mentor that he can never confess everything to, but... A little bit might be okay.

None of this is fair, for either of them. Yuji wishes that he could open his mouth and wave it all away, admit to nothing, claim nothing, but it's not that simple. The words get caught in his throat, and he breathes out a little as he shifts. The touch to his hand softens him a little, and he blinks back his tears, forcing himself to keep it together. He wants to believe, wants to let himself cling to the kindness Nanami is offering, but at the same time...

Tilting his head back, he breathes out softly, sniffling. ]

... Yeah. It's not over yet.

[ If something is going wrong, if something is unplanned, they need to adapt to it. They need to find a way to overcome it. To save Gojo-sensei, to protect Fushiguro, to make sure that they get to live their lives, even at the cost of his own... That's something Yuji is prepared to do. He's been prepared to die since the beginning, and maybe he wants to live for now, but when the time comes he can accept what's ahead of him. He can accept that his luck will run out sooner rather than later.

Leaning into Nanami a little more, he closes his eyes. ]

I'm... I'm glad you believe in me, Nanami. That makes me feel better.

[ It gives his death a little bit of meaning, in the end. ]

[ He can't give Yuji the answers to what he needs to do. No one can answer for someone else's life or tell them the best way to live or what is worth continuing to fight for. That's just something each person has to decide on their own, and while it's always an unfair question, Nanami has seen time and again that it's not Yuji's physical body that gives him his real strength, it's his heart. He'll push past the doubts and the hardest losses, no matter what any of his enemies may believe, because his desire to help people will keep him going. There is no one else Nanami has met who has been so driven to care about everyone around him. For the sake of his friends, Nanami really believes Yuji has the potential to overcome the cruel lot he was handed.

That might be what Gojo saw all along. The invincible, deeper force that some of them can never tap into. Even the strongest himself might never be able to realize the full potential of what grants Yuji his purpose. But it's also all up to him to find it. Nanami can only set him on the right path and hope. ]

It's okay to be afraid. The things that lie ahead aren't easy for any of us. But you should never be ashamed of your decisions. As a sorcerer, you're fighting with your strength and the strength of those that put their faith in you. We're still counting on you.

[ He lets Yuji lean on him, providing calm stability against the turmoil of Yuji's thoughts. No wonder he's been acting uneasy and checking up on them so much. Despite his smiles, Yuji is still young and already facing far too much. He needs stability. Nanami remains there, letting Yuji stay leaning against him and feel the movement of his slow breathing. ]

Just wait here for a minute.

[ Letting himself have this is more than Yuji could've ever predicted or ask for, and he lets himself sink into it. This wasn't ever really the relationship he and Nanami had before: if he wanted a hug or to laugh around, he would go to Gojo-sensei, but... They can lean on one another in this place, because they can trust each other. Time might have been stolen from them, but they've got a little more of it, more than expected. He relishes that.

He's not going to take it for granted - he can't. He can't. Even if Nanami wants to keep him at arms length, even if he wants to keep walls, Yuji will take it and accept it. Whatever Nanami asks for, wants, whatever would make him happy, Yuji will give it. He'll do anything for this man.

It's probably a little embarrassing.

Nanami gives him so much, it must be the kind of weight that is so hard to bear. ]

Okay. Just a minute is okay.

[ Or longer. However, he can take it. Closing his eyes, he smiles. ]

I'll count on you and the others too. We can be strong together.

[ Yuji says he'll count on other people and that they can be stronger together. It sounds like he is calming down again at least for the time being, so Nanami lets him lean in and indulge in that calm. At least he's not breaking down again, and that's going to be the best they can do for the moment.

Nanami can't hold him up or keep him together, but if Yuji finds his own way of going forward, eventually he'll be able to let him move forward naturally on his own. And then Nanami can possibly find his own place. Something to call his own reason. It's funny how he's felt so unchanged since waking up again. Injuries healed, back in the sad routine of work and fighting, it almost feels like Nanami's life has just picked up where he left off. He doesn't say it's exhausting, but he doesn't say anything more either.

He does what he needs to do and lets Yuji lean on him in silence. ]

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