synnet | [text] @xXdarkwarriorXx

Or I'm just the crazy one!

So let's go for the old fashioned punishment. It's a classic for a reason.

Bye bye pinky!

Jinx, put the wrench down. ( Kaladin, whose focus shifts back to his implant and its live video call, stands now with Silco in frame. ) You can't accept punishment on behalf of someone else. No one will accept that, least of all your father.

( Said with a brief glance back at Silco, trying to lead him down the hall—in the wrong direction. )

You'd be breaking your fingers for nothing.

And do you even want this? Do their words truly sway you this much? Do mine?

What are you —

[ Kaladin got him out of his room, at least, but he's probably never seen a man age in real time like he does in this moment. Do you want to know why Silco has that badger stripe in his hair? It's a miracle he doesn't get several more spontaneously as he speaks. A part of him is suspicious — as always — but he very firmly closes the door to the room he's staying in behind him, a single eye closed as he calculates.

Or rather, his glowing eye flashes just a touch more, barely perceptible, before he sighed softly, and he starts walking in the right direction, barely giving Kaladin the time of day.

The problem is? Jinx will do it, just to prove a point. If she says she's going to do it, then she will, but he worries that either the implants will interfere, or worse. Someone else will.

His thin legs start chewing through the hallways, walking in the right direction. He doesn't text her, or say anything, because he's thinking. Thinking of distractions, steps to take, it's been so long since he's really done this, over years, and there's something like a stormcloud that crosses his face. He's angry. Not with her — could he ever give Jinx consequences to anything? — but with them. For upsetting her, for driving her to this. They can say whatever they want to him, but to do this?

Sorry Kaladin, he's moving fast. ]

[ ugh, she's trying to break her fingers here. stop interrupting her! with a roll of her eyes, she answers in a scornful tone. ]

Why not? People do it all the time. That's just the justice system! And you're the one who brought up accountability without even thinking it through! Which isn't very smart.

And it's not about the words, silly.

[ softly. ]

It's what they'll become.

[ idly she twirls the wrench. breaking her fingers is a small price to pay. it doesn't even scare her. she has pounds of flesh. she's just a monster. she made silco this way. silco made her this way. in the end, they're just monsters.

so this place will come for them. for this. not even something real like the damage silco left in his wake. for the damage left in her. or even all the brutal things jinx has done.

it'll be this. their casual negligence and talk, their rough edges. their callouses and blisters. ]

Who cares what I want?

I'm just doing what this place tells me to do. I'm punishing monsters.

( Silco cuts away, and Kaladin, realizing a second later he's been left behind, turns on a dime. Long legs close the distance between them quickly—suddenly, his fingertips brush the back of Silco's shoulder. An act preceded by an infusement of power that makes Silco lighter—faster—as Stormlight reduces his weight by half.

While they go quickly to Jinx's room, Kaladin keeps trying to talk to her. )

I care what you want. Storms, I care what he wants. Justice is exhaustive listening to all sides—to get to the root of a problem. Then changes can be made; words don't have to become bad.

Which room is she in? Are we close? ( An aside he makes to Silco, unwinded. He ducks through an archway in the hall of the dormitories. )

Jinx, we don't see eye-to-eye. Maybe we never will; we took different paths. But we can still listen to each other. Please don't hurt yourself.

[ Kaladin's yammering grates. His hand on his back makes his hackles rise instinctively, and he very nearly spins to sock the man on instinct, before he curbs it, and continues on with barely a word. He shoots a look over his shoulder at him, an angry little prick of light from a blackened eye, before he keeps moving. He's faster, sure, but he doesn't need to weather the suspicion right now.

He keeps moving, muttering after a moment, because he keeps going, keeps talking, keeps trying to talk down Jinx? Who he knows that won't work on. ]

I'll tell you when we're there. Just... stop with this. I will take care of it.

[ Although... well, perhaps. An idea is forming. He isn't panicking. This can be fixed, even if she hurts herself. He is, however, walking fast, because he doesn't want this to be everywhere. ]

Stop trying to play all sides. [ He finally says, snapping over his shoulder. ] We don't care what you want.

[Finally, he rounds a corner. ]

[ Sliding door opens for the room Jinx was in last time he knew. The kyoto base is mutable, and different. There's no guarantee. ]

Jinx —

[ Stressed, just like always, but he doesn't approach just yet, careful, careful, always careful. ]

[ wrench held high, she freezes at the sound of her name. the sound of her name in silco's voice. even now, it jars her. she went months without hearing it. that being said, she doesn't turn to look at him. at either of them. ]

Why are you here? I'm trying to make a point. This is all anyone wants. This is justice.

( And for once, Kaladin listens. Because his efforts to communicate aren't delaying Jinx's self-harm. Because he has to trust that her father will know what to say to make her stop. Silco says he'll take care of it, and for once, by the Almighty, he believes it.

For now.

He knows he's intruding on a private moment when Silco blows into Jinx's room. Now that he's been involved, however, and directly, he's an immovable pillar in the doorway. At nearly seven feet, Kaladin fills the frame he's in, towering over them.

And in contrast, his expression is the gentlest in the room. )

[ Silco wants to shut the door on him. He very nearly does. His fingers itch for it, and he stands in such a way that he could have blocked Kaladin's vision of her, if it wasn't for the fact that the man was so damned tall. He hates it, he wants to say this in peace, but he doesn't, which means he has to choose his words very, very carefully.

She speaks of Justice, because that's all they want, isn't it? ]

And why give them the satisfaction? They aren't owed anything. From you or from me.

[ He doesn't care that they hate them. It's just proof that they wouldn't last a day in Zaun. He cares little for the opinions of any — most, he's forced to correct — Outsiders. The ones that he doesn't mind even say his name, because they know the way this game is played, and he likes it like that. ]

Their justice — [ He says with a sneer, a tip of his head backwards at Kaladin ] — is a salve over their own ineffectiveness.

Because none of them understand us, so they hate us. We've always known that Jinx. The only difference is here they will at least say it out loud, instead of with disgusted looks.

[ she wants to go back.

back to that quiet time with isha. with silly games and paints. where she could braid her hair and dance to music. but it's all gone, isn't it? she got silco back, but she lost all of that. there's never going to be another isha. there isn't going to be a sevika who will gruffly change her mind and shoot a chembaron for her. she's here and she's silco's and she wants that but —

but the whispers are back. they clamor around her head. he's right, they don't understand, they'll never understand, this is all they'll see, this is all it'll ever be. you're a jinx, jinx, jinx

"my sister is dead"

she lowers the wrench. it's all pointless, isn't it? there's nothing she can do. there's nothing. the rot in her lungs. the grey, cloying, cluttering it up. the shimmer in her veins, the insanity in the glint. she's this, forever and ever and ever

she grips at her hair. tugs at it. she wants to — she doesn't know what she wants because she's never going to get it. ]

I — I don't — Why?

Why won't they just say why?!

Silco. ( A hushed chastisement of how he feeds his daughter's doubt in her teammates. He trusted Silco to speak to Jinx and now finds the result distasteful, choosing to step further into the room.

Instead of blocking the door like before, he leaves it wide open. No one likes to feel caged in, and if he didn't at least give Jinx an exit, should she need one, he'd be no better than a jailer. )

I won't stand here and allow you to lie for convenience; I don't hate either of you, ( Kaladin says quietly. He will not raise his voice in this room, not when Jinx is experiencing a medical emergency. Taking his desire to be a trustworthy presence further, he lowers himself out of his considerable height and takes a knee.

His hands stay visible, held out but with his palms down. A gesture of calm. )

Easy...

Jinx, you're panicking, but I need you to know it'll pass, okay? All we want is to prevent you from hurting yourself. Is there something you find comforting I can get you right now?

[ He can see what he's doing. Some medical nonsense, he's heard of topsiders trying to do this thing. It never works — it wouldn't work — Kaladin is approaching, into their space, his and his daughter's, trying to insert himself into their business. Into her breakdown.

He can feel it, there's that rushing buzzing, the sensation of waves and water lapping at his neck, the tightness, the tightness — he freezes for a half-second, lungs and limbs arrested ]

Stop trying to fix this. I know what to do.

[ He snaps at him, standing with his fists tightening to leave crescents in his palms, his teeth gritted. What is he doing, is he trying to get convince her to leave? Is that what it is? His fists shake, but he can't — He has to —

He breathes, he runs a hand through his hair. Putting it all back into place. Compartmentalizing. It's tucked back away, and he looks down at Kaladin for only a second more, before he ignores him, and keeps his focus on Jinx. On the broken little girl — it's always been like this. They've always been like this. It'll pass, it'll — ]

It's because they don't know. Not really.

[ Tone lower now, as if it could keep him from hearing. He doesn't hold back from approaching, but he's lowered on one knee — he reaches out to wrap an arm around her shoulders, using his own thin back to block her from Kaladin's sight. Boxing her in, but keeping the rest of the world out. He keeps his voice even lower, as if he could prevent the other man in the room from hearing him. ]

It's okay. They can't do anything to us, Jinx. They won't. You're strong, remember? I know you are, more than anyone thinks. We can show them the truth, can't we?

[ "We'll show them. We'll show them all."

she's — fragmented, broken, pathetic powder. vi left her behind because she's nothing. she ruins everything. because mylo was right. because mylo was dead. powder is dead. everyone's dead. everyone's alive. they'll never let her forget.

or

she's — powerful, smart, explosive, jinx. destroyer. terror. piltover wants her dead. zaun wants her dead. zaun wants her to be a hero. everyone wants something. they're all pulling at her. deciding for her. the dream of zaun. the ruin of piltover. pow! boom! gunpowder on her fingers. bang bang.

her finger itch for the gun. she could do it. put it right along her head.

bang. ]

The truth?

[ her voice comes out abstracted. distant. a warble on the last consonant. the truth. what is the truth?

the truth is nobody knows anything. not even jinx. not even powder. nobody knows anything. everyone's just making shit up. everyone's just — running in circles. pointless, pointless circles. silco doesn't know. kaladin doesn't know. so.

the whispers dim. there is no truth, not really. she might still be trapped. but she won't be sold. on either of their truths. that thought seems to ground her for now. things feel quieter. jinx puts the wrench down. ]

The truth will be whatever comes next.

[ she will spare a glance to kaladin. ]

Hate, whatever it is . . . no one knows what'll happen.

Edited 2025-03-23 03:10 (UTC)

( It's a monumental task to listen to a man universally disliked speak quietly in this ailing woman's ear. Kaladin disagrees fundamentally with Silco's fathering, as it differs from what he was exposed to as a boy. Lirin wasn't a model parent, but he was good to his son. Truly good.

Most people don't get so lucky. It'll do to remember that. )

It's not physical strength she needs... can't you see that? ( He lowers his hands, resting a forearm on his raised knee. ) She's mentally ill, like me. Like so many of us.

We can't know the future, that's true. We're only human. What matters right now is this moment. The rest—the truth—is what we make it. Together, hopefully. ( Kaladin meets Jinx's eyes over her father's angular shoulder. )

Are you... doing okay?

[ The look Silco shoots over his shoulder at Kaladin is —

Well. Furious, sparking with anger and rage and — and — fear, buried deep underneath all of that.

He's interjecting, isn't he? Trying to put a wedge in there, trying to make her see something that isn't there. Call her ill, or sick — he knew she was different, he knew she had her manic highs and depressive lows — he's seen and experienced all of them. Held her, or whispered promises, anything to soothe the anxieties and fears and everything else that bubbled to the surface every time she became angry and agitated.

Right now, he wants to reach out and strangle the man.

He doesn't. He puts it aside. For Jinx, he tells himself. Focuses on shielding her from Kaladin if she needed it. She could wind herself out of his arms easily if she chose to, he knew that. She could have always overpowered him — his face no longer stings from the manic explosion, the punctures on his face from when she'd attacked him in his office — but he almost imagines they are still there. That they still linger.

No, no. This is wrong. ]

I know what she needs —

[ He hisses, when he tries to stop him. He says he's like this to, and Silco almost laughs. Nobodyis like Jinx. She's perfect the way she is, always has been. Trying to heal her spark makes his hackles rise on instinct. He tries to redirect her, remind her. It's only them. It's always only been them. (But is it still...?) ]

You don't have to listen to him.

[ she has to blink the colour from her eyes. flickers of jagged lines and crossed out eyes. blink. breathe. jinx pushes her hair back. blink. breathe. they are gnawing at her soul. they'll tear her apart if she doesn't — doesn't just breathe. blink. she presses her fingers against her forehead. clear it all out. blink. breathe.

she can sense silco's tremors up close. the panic hissing underneath his skin. was it like this then? back then, she had been so lost in all of it, trying to find the path, all the screaming back and forth, powder, jinx, powder, jinx, powder, jinx. but that's all dust on the ground. it's settled.

she is jinx.

so jinx settles her fingers upon silco's arm, squeezing it gently. she's here. she'll even tug them closer upon her shoulders. she's here. she is still his daughter. breathes in his presence that still hurts her so much. ]

I know. It's okay.

[ for silco, only for silco. ]

It's okay.

[ her tired eyes finally rise up to meet kaladin's. her fingers dig into silco's arm. unable to let go. ]

I just . . . lost my head for a moment there.

[ there'll be no clean solutions here. not for her paranoia. not for what this place implies. but she'll find her own way. not silco, not kaladin's, her own. ]

I'm glad, ( he says gently, then rises. ) And I appreciate your candidness with your feelings. I'll take my leave now.

( Silco wants to hurt him. It's plain in his expression... in the way he looks at Kaladin over his shoulder. Naively—selfishly—he thought they might discover a way to work together and share in something that isn't contentious. To agree on one thing:

Jinx's health is important. She deserves as fair a shake as everyone else, and to feel safe on this base.

He will go, and he will review the night. Scrutinize his actions, the actions of others... All of it. Perhaps he can find ways to improve. )

Before I do, I'd like to extend to both of you an invitation. When the base is rebuilt, I intend to host meetings for people who've sustained... mental injuries. Injuries many consider incurable, or... untreatable. You'd be welcome there.

( He studies them quietly until his eyes soften. They look tired, and he's accomplished the duty he came here to do. )

Jinx... you've given me a lot to consider. And Silco... thank you for believing me.

( With that, Kaladin steps out. )

[ It had always been the two of them, but only the week before he'd arrived in another world had he actually started to be confronted with the idea of Jinx leaving — really leaving — and though he had never experienced the moment that Jinx thinks of, it doesn't matter. He feels it, just like those days before, setting everything on its side, ruining it, making a mess of everything, he could see Kaladin for what he truly was.

Trying to ruin it.

He'd promised her that it would always be the two of them, and it would be. Come any force in the universe, Silco would make sure of it. His arms are around her shoulders, and maybe he holds his daughter too tight, like trying to grip sand, even while it sifts through his fingers. She reassures him, and it's terribly ironic, that he'd weathered Kaladin's presence only for her, and now she reassures him. He's focused on Jinx, always on Jinx. Arm around her shoulders, hand on her back. How many tantrums growing up had he held her through, finding it was the only way to help her weather the storms of emotions. Giving in. Giving her everything she asked for. He still would, if she just asked.

Kaladin takes his leave, and Silco doesn't respond, beyond the barest of eyerolls. Mental Injuries? They didn't have those. They were strong. They had taken the pieces of their trauma and issues, and had put themselves back together, piece by piece by piece.

They had no need for what he's suggesting.

So he only focuses on Jinx. ]

It's okay, Jinx.

[ An echo, maybe. ]

You don't have to worry about the lot of them.

[ Was that what set her off? Them? Their hate? ]

Don't I?

[ her tone wavers. she can't help but cling as well. everything still feels so tenuous. this world is tenuous. at least in zaun and piltover, she knew the push of things.

and yet. did she really? here she was. savior of zaun. hunted by piltover. vi's hands on her chest, around her neck. a missing finger. silco in the water. what was she? what was she doing? can she do anything? fix anything?

silco can thrive in this. and in a way, jinx could too, but she can't see these people clearly. she doesn't know who they are. what motivates them. what makes them tick and while she could dig in with ease, pluck those strings, she just . . . doesn't want to. she doesn't want to build a jinx in this world.

she just wants . . . this. this with silco. fuck the giant monsters, fuck everything else. just this. ]

How long do we have in a place like this?

[ He wants to destroy whatever took him. Burn them down to the ground, sink his knife into them, and make them writhe for the crime. Silco is a vengeful man, always has been — even in the days before, when he'd been younger. Trauma and time had only exacerbated it, and he hates whoever did this. Jinx holds onto him like he'll vanish right before her. Maybe he did. He doesn't know. She isn't saying.

He wants to ask. He doesn't want to know. He wants to predict for it. He doesn't want to set her off. ]

Some people have been here for a year. [ some less. ]

I can't tell you how long, but... we'll have time.

[ In between everything else. The Kaiju. The fights. This nonsense. Everything Silco is doing on the sides to keep things active and moving. It's a lot of noise, when right now?

He doesn't need the reminder of what's most important — he'd aimed to burn everything...worlds over what's most important — but nothing else really matters, does it? (Does it?) ]

We'll make more time.

[ unknown. you can't hold it. you can't account for it. you can't do anything except meander in this place. be subject to this. fight monsters. it's such a nonsensical loop. a prison of intent. but then again, she's been in many prisons before.

right now, with silco's arms around her, with her arms around him, who is imprisoning whom? ]

We'll make more time.

[ just repeat. repeat. ]

[text] @xXdarkwarriorXx

END!

down for a 3-way? 😏 jinx>kaladin>silco?

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1/??? SIGHS

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END

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1/2

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cw: mental illness

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cw: suicide ideation

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wrap?