( there's a forking path branching from his feet, and kaladin lifts each of his boots in turn as though he can feel it physically beneath them. one direction looks frequently trodden and clear of obstacles, while the other is uneven and overgrown, and crossed with thick vines so tangled they've formed hanging gnarls.
his future lies at the end of one, but which?
"there is a simple path to freedom. you are my dearest friend, kal. i want you to stop hurting. i want you to be free," moash had told him, holding his shoulder. "the answer is to stop existing, kal. you've always known it, haven't you?"
he has known it. and how easy it'd be, how much less frightening. it's the least challenging option, but the one that'd result in his death. after fighting for what feels like so long, kaladin would like nothing more than to rest; however, silco hasn't stopped. he is an older man who is more visibly injured than kaladin, telling him that he's never stopped trying to survive despite the constant need to. his entire life is torn out from beneath the oppression of others with teeth and nails, yet that's worth it somehow.
"you aren't worth the effort of killing." )
Why? ( to him, his voice sounds far away.
why does silco have the strength when he doesn't? why are the scales tipped so heavily in favour of silco's willpower while his own feels so delicate? so tenuous?
what makes them so different? they aren'tβthey can't be. is it because silco has a child? kaladin has a family, too. he has bridge four, syl, shallan, adolin. he has a little brother. he has parents who love him, despite everything. is it because silco has a purpose? kaladin has a purpose, too. places and people to protect from a war they caused. the entire world is relying on him.
CW: SUICIDAL IDEATION, I'M SORRY
his future lies at the end of one, but which?
"there is a simple path to freedom. you are my dearest friend, kal. i want you to stop hurting. i want you to be free," moash had told him, holding his shoulder. "the answer is to stop existing, kal. you've always known it, haven't you?"
he has known it. and how easy it'd be, how much less frightening. it's the least challenging option, but the one that'd result in his death. after fighting for what feels like so long, kaladin would like nothing more than to rest; however, silco hasn't stopped. he is an older man who is more visibly injured than kaladin, telling him that he's never stopped trying to survive despite the constant need to. his entire life is torn out from beneath the oppression of others with teeth and nails, yet that's worth it somehow.
"you aren't worth the effort of killing." )
Why? ( to him, his voice sounds far away.
why does silco have the strength when he doesn't? why are the scales tipped so heavily in favour of silco's willpower while his own feels so delicate? so tenuous?
what makes them so different? they aren'tβthey can't be. is it because silco has a child? kaladin has a family, too. he has bridge four, syl, shallan, adolin. he has a little brother. he has parents who love him, despite everything. is it because silco has a purpose? kaladin has a purpose, too. places and people to protect from a war they caused. the entire world is relying on him.
so, what is it? )
Why aren't you tired of it?