synnet | @kijyo(?)

Ah, Nyuu. You have realized your soul cohabits one body.

[ Which isn't great! Lucy's been trying to keep that from Nyuu specifically so the other girl doesn't have it impacting her own life. A foolish endeavor in Godzilla's opinion, sure, they share a body, it was only a matter of time. But it's his kin's choice so he's respected it. ]

Kaede is as Kin to myself. Ask your questions, I shall answer best as I am able.

Godzilla-sama?

[ A familiar voice!! A friend, even if she doesn't know him that deeply. He's only ever been kind, if confusing at times. ]

Um...K-Kaede-san...what is she like? What kind of person is she, on a daily basis?

Hmm. You do not inquire after much, do you?

[ A rumbling, good natured chuckle. ]

Kaede is a being of duality. There is anger in her, hate, a temperamentalness forged by a life hard lived. Yet she is also one of great gentleness, there is much kindness in her soul despite the hardships she has faced in her short time.

The Little Titan is a quiet sort. She says little that is unnecessary, she listens to the words of others keenly, finds the intent behind their words. She is one I believe can find the good to see in any there is, even those deserving little of trust or compassion.

[ There is so much fondness in his tone it's almost embarrassing. ]

And for those she cares for she is as fierce a defender as myself. You should be aware of this, Kaede has gone to lengths to protect you from her past. She has been insistent that you be kept from it and her existence so you may lead your own life without care. You are as much Kin to her as she is to myself, though I believe she would deny this.

[ There's been a clear through line with everything everyone's said so far. Her other self is kind but stern, gentle yet fierce when necessary, friendly but only when she doesn't feel threatened. Godzilla's testimony puts it all out plainly once again and reinforces what she's heard. Though, his words are also what finally draws tears to drip down her face.

She really was trying to protect her, like Choso said. All this time, her other self has been dealing with untold pain and horrors, and all the while trying to keep her as oblivious to it as possible. So she could live her own life with as little fear as possible. And in return, she was deathly afraid of her...

Guilt twists deeper and harsher into her chest to think about it. It clogs her throat and it's hard to breathe. When she does find her voice again, it's softer but strained, cracking if she takes too long to stop for a breath. ]

Godzilla-sama...I've been cruel to her in my thoughts...she did all this for me, and I've only thought the worst of her.

She does not lay blame upon you for this. Kaede understands you have been confused and scared, if you offer apology she will accept it readily I am certain.

[ The distress in Nyuu's voice is obvious and sends an ache through Godzilla's chest. Though he may not have had as much interaction with the second soul as he has with Kaede, Nyuu is part of someone very dear to the old titan. He has every bit as much the urge to protect and support her as he does for Kaede. ]

You are within your nesting room, little one? Would you wish for accompaniment?

[ Granted he's not even waiting for an answer. The big guy's already on the move to her room, instinct is hard to ignore like that. Should Nyuu answer in the affirmative he'll knock, if she doesn't... he'll just curl up in the hall like an overgrown guard cat and keep watch. ]

If it's no trouble...

[ It's the closest thing to an affirmative she can give at the moment. Her door is unlocked, as it usually is when Lucy's awake.

Nyuu seats herself in her room, in Lucy's room, with her knees to her chest and her arms across her knees. She doesn't know what to make of all this information. She's still afraid of the person she is, but so many people wouldn't lie to her, right? Surely, they'd have no reason to tell her anything but the truth! ]

Seeing to one as yourself is never trouble.

[ And there's the knocking at her door, followed by it opening and a concerned lizard slowly ambling his way into the room. He has to duck quite a bit for his head and spikes to clear the door frame, but once he's inside he's able to straighten up.

His tail gives a very cat like twitch as he looks at Nyuu, inclining his head respectfully to her in a way he really wouldn't do for most anyone else. ]

Little One. You are... clearly troubled. Learning more of Kaede has unsettled you"?

[ Nyuu's stopped pacing around the room, thankfully. She stays still as Godzilla enters the room, but her little smile is forced. She doesn't want to show how ill at ease she is, and yet... ]

Yes, sir. [ Guilt gnaws at her from the inside out. ] It's...it's like I said before. Kaede-san has tried to keep me happy and safe, and I...

[ Godzilla nods his head in understanding as he approaches closer to Nyuu. ]

You thought the worst of her. None could blame you fully for this, you held incomplete awareness of her actions during the periods you sleep, yes?

[ Once he's close enough the big guy reaches out slowly and pats Nyuu's head in a comforting gesture. ]

It is my thoughts that she should not have hidden these things from you. Your discovery of it seems an inevitability. However... [ A beat, then a big lizardy sigh. ] Oft misjudgment is made when one seeks to ensure the well being of another.

[ Nyuu makes a soft sound not unlike a mewl at the pet. She doesn't make such sounds often these days, but every so often one slips out anyway.

She closes her eyes and holds her hands together in front of her. Her thumb brushes up over her right wrist in a small movement. ]

I'm...glad I know now. Back then, I...I was...

[ There's something heavy in that small movement that Godzilla can't quite put this claw on. It's significant and regretful, he can tell that much, but the full meaning is lost on him.

A rumbling trill of a noise starts up in his throat, a comforting sound he's used for Imugi eggs and Kaede before. ]

Take ease, Little One. You need not force yourself to speak if you do not wish to.

Edited 2024-12-17 00:52 (UTC)

[ She doesn't have to force herself. He's said as much. Yet her eyes well with tears the longer she thinks about it. She wants to take comfort in his touch, but she can't. All she can do is hiccup and bite her lip to hold back tears. ]

There was a time where...I thought if we both died, things would be better.

[ Her fingers with their shortened nails rub at her wrist. The site of marks long gone. Faded with time. ]

Do you think...she would forgive me?

Edited 2024-12-18 04:09 (UTC)

[ Godzilla's eyes widen and in a very rare instance he feels his blood run cold as realization slams into him with all the subtle force of a freight train.

Nyuu sought her own end. Misguided and kept in the dark by Kaede's desire to protect her, Nyuu almost took both of them from the world thinking it would be a positive. That's... well, it's terrible. No-one should ever have to feel like their death is a requirement. ]

Little One...

[ In a careful movement Godzilla embraces Nyuu, arms closing comfortingly around her shoulders and tugging her close, his tail coiling around her protectively. They don't know each other nearly as well as he and Kaede to bee sure, however the urge to be there for her runs just as deep. ]

Kaede is one that gives understanding and kindness readily to others, she will forgive you without question I am certain. You have no need to fear her ire, it is a thing she reserves for herself more than any other.

[ Again Nyuu squeaks from the contact. Her hands struggle to find purchase against his leathery hide, but as tears fall from her eyes and soak all the way down to her chin, she clings to him as easily as a child to their mother. Guilt washes over her and soaks down into her marrow despite the warmth of his words. ]

I really am the worst. I wanted to end her life without understanding why she did what she did. Without understanding how much she was hurting.

[ She sucks in a breath through her nose. It's all she can do to keep from sobbing even as she clings to the great kaiju like a sobbing child. ]

I don't deserve her forgiveness.

[ The tightness squeezing against Godzilla's heart is something he's only felt a few times in his long life. When his dear ones have died, or when Kaede was taken by the enemy. He feels it now for Nyuu and Kaede's sakes both, they have each suffered through far more than any one should have to. ]

Peace, Nyuu. Peace.

[ Once more that comforting trill rumbles in his throat, his body vibrating with the noise like a cat's might from purring. ]

Kaede-hime is not without her own fault in this. Deeming your ignorance a necessity is what led you to that path. One can not lay blame upon you for not understanding in the past.

[ After a moment of hesitation he experimentally tries to stroke Nyuu's hair. He's seen it done in film and out in public, this is how humanoids comfort one another. He's especially mindful not to tangle his claws into any of her locks by mistake. ]

Yet the past is that, the past. Learn from it, however do not live within it. It is gone, buried. All that is of import is how you choose to live in the present.

[ Nyuu squeaks as she tries to follow his advice. Tries to stifle her tears by rubbing her eyes and sniffling. Still, there's an enormous hole in her heart that she has no idea how to fill. ]

I want...I want Kaede-san to live! I want her to be happy! For every moment I have where I'm happy, I want her to have two! Three, even!

[ She should be more selfish, she tells herself. The "her" called Nyuu deserves to be happy, yet the more she thinks about it, her blessings are only because of the sacrifices of the one called Kaede. ]

Please, Godzilla-sama...help me!

[ For one who's not a fighter in any way shape or form Nyuu certainly has fire in her. This shouldn't be a surprise, separate beings as they may be it would make sense that her and Kaede's souls are made of similar strength. ]

Ah. You speak with the conviction of a Titan, Little One.

[ Another trill, followed by an even deeper rumble. He's chuckling, if she glances up she can even see that big lizardy grin of his as he nods along. ]

You are as much my Kin as she, there is no requirement to ask my aid. I give it readily.

[ There's a pause in the hair stroking so he can give her a more firm, but still gentle, head pat. ]

You are two souls within one body. Now that you have awareness of this you may work together to ensure your mutual happiness. However... [ A beat, a shake of his head. ] Kaede is stubborn. It is likely she shall resist and insist on her suffering for your well being still. I shall assist in you in convincing her to cease such behavior, yes?

[ In spite of the tears lining her lids, Nyuu's gaze is resolute and she nods with conviction. ]

I will! I swear it...

[ The other her she's never known...the killer buried deep inside...so many people can't be wrong, can they? Kaede-san isn't a callous person. Surely, there's something good in her! Something that draws the kind words of others. A kindness that's allowed her to live so sheltered and carefree for so long!

Nyuu sniffles hard but looks up at the great kaiju with her eyes burning, jaw set, fists clenched at her sides. ]

I will live...for the sake of those I love...and for Kaede-san. And for those she loves too. Because I know she has to have those who love her! They want her to live...and I do too!

[ Godzilla meets Nyuu's gaze with something shining in his own eyes. Something that has his tail's tip twitching like a pleased cat's. ]

You are far stronger than one would guess, Nyuu-hime. I am proud of you, Kaede-hime shall be as well.

[ Pride, that's what it is. How could it be anything else when someone who's had every reason to hide and shatter puts her best foot forward and resolves to fight on for those she cares about. ]

Yet you forget something of import. [ One arm remains around her in a secure hug but he lets go with the other. So he can proceed to gently boop her nose with the tip of one of his fingers. ] There are those whom wish for you to live as well, you are as loved as you have love to give others. Your intent is noble, yet it shall not do to forget your own wants in their pursuit. Do not replace Kaede-hime's martyring with your own, you understand this yes?

[ Princess? A princess. She never thought to compare herself to such a thing. She only has the most threadbare idea of what it means to have a title like that. Someone with power, truly. More power than she could ever dream.

She squeaks at the touch to her nose, but the very next moment she's nodding, just as resolute as she was prior. ]

I won't. This is...this is my body too. I have my own life...Kaede-san and I...we'll have to work together! So that we both can be happy.

@kijyo(?) | audio

@Gojira, Audio

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and now in person

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cw: suicidal imagery

cw: suicide mentioning.

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